Friday, December 30, 2005

Things are about to get a little bit pissy...

Okay, okay, I know I'm not usually that kind of blogger - you know, the one who is pissed off about everything. This post, however, might seem a bit curt and grouchy. And I don't care. So, if you came here for some light-hearted post about my Christmas Tree falling over, scroll past this rant. Click the next number on your Blog Explosion pannel - don't wait for the word GO!

I'm making a prediction. And I don't have to be a ruddy psychic to do it either. Because year after year un-original bastards piss me off to the point I don't even want to open the newspaper.

Well, most days I don't open the newspaper anyhow. After all, the slanted publications in this country (parading as periodicals of journalistic integrity) usually lack any actual facts save what Stephen Harper wore on his most recent backyard bbq appearance. But that's a whole other rant which I will not burden you with today. No, today I target the folks who stand in the background - who hide in dim rooms of their houses, scetching big-nosed likenesses of anyone in the limelight, tongue lodged firmly in their cheek thinking to themselves, "Wow, I'm so intelligent. I'm so glib. I'm such a smartass."

Yes, I'm talking about the Editorial cartoonists of the world.

I've spoken to, and have met, quite a few in my travels, and most are fine people. So, I pass by their biased, editorializing cartoons with not much more than a twinge in the corner of my mouth, either from amusement or disgust - the reaction is the same.

But New Year - New Year is bloody different. I started thinking about it this morning and I got right pissed off.

My prediction: TAB, Cam or some other editorial cartoonist, at least ONE if not TWELVE here in Calgary will be guilty of un-originality, not to mention hundreds of others world wide.

Somewhere in Managua, a man with a sketchbook just stuck his tongue in his cheek and thought "Wow, I have a great idea for a New Years editorial cartoon!" (But of course he thought it in Spanish, not English, because they speak Spanish there.)

I'm sure we've all seen it. Baby with sash - 2006. Old man with sash - 2005. Baby is frightened. Behind old man will surely be some representation of Gomery, some Conservative-slanted dig at the Liberals. Old man wishes baby luck. Baby trembles with fear, wondering "what am I being thrown into?"


And by original, I don't mean merely sitting 2006 baby in front of a stack of giant boxes of Valium. That's just dumb, because Valium doesn't come in giant boxes! Trust me, I KNOW!

Use a tiger. Use a budding seed of a plant. Use a gentle wave sliding up the shore, about to wipe out "2005" written in the sand. USE SOMETHING ELSE, for crying in the sink!

This must be Political Cartoonist's favourite day.

"Hey! Mildred! Where's that box of my cartoons from last year?"

"In the basement, why?"

"I need to pull out that New Years 2005 cartoon, erase the years on the baby and old man's sashes and use it again this year!"

"Wow, honey, you're so smart. That's why I married you."

"That's right, Mildred, I am smart. And none of those foolish readers will even notice I used last year's cartoon! Wahahahaha. WAHAHAHAHA (crackle of lightening in background)"

If you spot a culprit on New Years Day, let me know. Just as we must expose Liberal scandal, Adrienne Clarkson's travel expenses and the truth behind Jack Layton's mustache, these cartoonists must also be exposed for slacking off.

Wow, you're still reading! I'm impressed.


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