The Spinning Pen

just for the pic

2007-05-22T18:04:00.000-06:00

The Spinning Pen has moved!

2006-03-05T14:34:00.000-07:00

I'm finally all moved in! Come by for my blogwarming!

http://www.blogcharm.com/thespinningpen/

Also, if you have The Pen linked, please update with the above URL. I appreciate you coming by to hang out with me, and I'll see you at my new place!

Tagged!

2006-03-03T23:21:00.000-07:00

I'm procrastinating my NaNoEdMo right now, so I was THRILLED to see Daydreamer tagged me! Okay, here goes... this one's cool.

I Live: Calgary, Alberta, Canada
I Work: at being a better person
I Talk: @!#$ most of the time
I Wish: for my algae eater to pull through his stress coma
I Enjoy: Writing, reading, yoga, photography, good music, coffee.
I Look: Someone said once I look like Sophie Dahl.
Quite an honour, even if he was slurring drunk.
I Find: My car keys on the seat when the door is shut and locked, usually.
I Smell: Petrie!
I Listen: To cars driving by outside as I fall asleep and night. They sound like ocean waves.
I Hide: sex toys! hehe
I Pray: untraditionally
I Walk: to great music
I Write: to keep myself sane - I'm miserable when I'm not
making @!#$ up.
I See: Through brave faces.
I Sing: to know I'm through the haze and happy again.
I Laugh: At least once a day, sometimes to tears.
I Can: Make a really kick ass tuna sandwich- about all I can cook.
I Watch: trains roll by as though through a camera viewfinder
I Learn: new ways to make an ass out of myself!
I think: I'm actually my fat, frizzy-haired 13 year old self, and sometimes don't
recognize my own reflection
I Dream: when I'm awake, and deal with reality when I'm sleeping.
I Want: soft things that smell nice
I Cry: when I do long division and get a remainder
I Burn: dinner
I Read: Everything - all writers do
I Love: Stu, my family, adventure I Sometimes: am self-absorbed
I Hate: How petty and selfish society has become
I Touch: everything, especially while shopping.
I Hurt: when people are unkind - it's more common than you think.
I Fear: Complacency
I Hope: but do not count on hope alone to make things happen
I break: nails
I Eat: poorly
I Quit: smoking - on a daily basis!
I Bathe: in luxurious bubbles
I Drink: coffee
I Save: moments to use them in my writing later
I Hug: My pillow/furnace
I Meditate: nightly
I Play: The game at work, and "writer" at home.
I Miss: Edinburgh, my puppy,Tage
I Hold: a Canadian Passport
I Forgive: rarely, but it takes a lot to make me quit someone
I Drive: stick
I Have: obsessive compulsion
I Don't: think there's anything I can't do
I Made: a bad career choice - er... 37 of them.
I Kiss: my submissions before I put them in the mailbox
I Owe: 55% more debt! Almost there!
I Feel: inspired
I Know: There's more in store for me than the things I'm doing now
I Wonder: how many people will have read this far.

I tag: Miss Fern, Puddle of Raine, Newfie Girl, HB, Dan & Loretta

No fun?

2006-03-03T10:03:00.000-07:00

Editing Hours: 2:45/50

EMPTY SHELL

For a 60-day-no-fun marathon, I sure am having some fun! Last night I took the $5 I found in a pair of jeans I hardly wear and went down to the Henry the 8th to watch a buddy's band, Empty Shell, play at open mic. They were so good! And I'm not just saying that because Jay's my friend, I really mean it. Scott (AKA Jesus on account of his hair and beard) is going to send me the video and I'm going to figure out how to upload it so you all can hear them.

IS THAT THE BEST YOU CAN COME UP WITH?

Then, a few of the girls from work and I decided we weren't done with the evening so we went down to Melrose to mingle with the beautiful people of the city. Really, I should have been kicked out - my hair was curly and swept up in a loose pony tail and I hadn't gone home to put a fresh coat of cover up on my newly-broken out face.

See, Melrose used to be cool before the whole Red Mile thing. Now it's all these suits who go because it's the place to be. There's a line up to get in on the weekends - come on! Why line up to get into a pub?! Regardless, I braved the salesmen in identical striped dress shirts and the girls with fake breasts and enjoyed my company.

A salesman dude with spikey bangs in a striped dress shirt came in with three buddies, also with spikey bangs and in striped dress shirts. They knew one of the girls at our table. They said hello and then took the table behind us. All the while, the one guy was staring at my friend. She explained that, due to absolutely riotous circumstances that I can not discuss, she was kissed him once and - well, now he thinks - well, you know.

And so, after about 20 minutes, this guy actually gets up and pulls her ponytail! I'm not joking, and he wasn't gentle about it. I felt like I was in grade 2 and she was going to tell Mrs. Luck on him. Instead she turned around and told him to @!#$ off, but close enough. Come on men - pulling a girl's ponytail? Is that the best you can come up with?

MICHELLE MILES IS A GROUP SO GO SIGN UP!

Well, doesn't the title just say it all? hehe. With the upcoming release of Ransom and Fortune (mmmmmmm Dane. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm - oh sorry. Drifted off there. What was I talking about?! Right.) With the upcoming release of Ransom and Fortune, her readers have a lot to keep up on, and now we can! Check her out at Michellemiles.net, her Blog, Ye Olde Inkwell, and now her Yahoo Group! Good job, girl! I can't wait to get my Dane fix again.

WEATHER PIXIE

Don't forget to post your weather pixie name suggestions! For more info, read the previous post entitled (uuuuhhhhhhh) "Name that weather pixie!" Free stuff! Free stuff!

Name that Pixie!

2006-03-02T09:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, before this gets out of hand, I just want to say for the record that my new blog will have a lot more links to other people's blogs. I link to other blogs I enjoy, or friends of mine. Just because I don't have a link to your blog does not mean I don't enjoy it.

If you would like me to link your blog, I would hope you could link mine. Those who have commented here, and those who have emailed me to send a "friendly" reminder about linking to their blog, have not linked me in return. You'll notice a similarity between all those on my blog roll - it's a two way street.

Whew, I feel better about getting that off my chest. Sorry if I've offended.

Yesterday was the first day of NaNoEdMo and I think it went pretty well. I edited for an hour and a half, focusing on finding the word "began" in the first 3 chapters of Mending Resolute, as well as searching for "ly" words and determining whether or not they were required. I have a step-by-step plan for my editing, and today I'm on the hunt for more words, namely "ing" words. This is a bit easier than I thought - I always dread the editing process, but this is easy and already I'm feeling a lot better about my prose.

Get this - last night while I was out on the balcony admiring the evening, four silver mini vans with tinted windows turned right. Himself thinks it was CSIS. I think it's some fracked up version of the Truman Show, and the producers got a deal on silver mini vans.

If you know of any reality-type home improvement shows (ie Extreme Makeover Home Edition or While You Were Out) can you post them in comments please? I need more ideas; Himself and I have a plan (mischievous laugh).

Okay, and one last thing! I'm holding a contest! For the new blog, I'd like to name my weather pixie. So, if you have an idea, post it in the comments below. What will you win? Why, a copy of Tall Tales and Short Stories Volume III! What's so special about Tall Tales and Short Stories Volume III? I'm SO glad you asked!

Two years ago I won honourable mention in the Hidden Talents short story contest with my story "Life As She Knew It". Last year I won 4th place! Volume III holds, within its pages, my story "Love Potion", which has to be the one piece of my work I love, and to which I would NOT take a chainsaw or a pack of matches.

It just so happens that my little contest coincides with this year's Tall Tales Press contest! Deadline is May 31, so writers, crack your knuckles, pound out some prose and send it to Tall Tales Press. Check out the CONTEST to find out the prizes and all other details. And if you have a suggestion for a name for my weather pixie, please post it in comments below. Deadline for entering is Monday, March 6th. If you don't leave your contact information in comments, make sure you come back on Tuesday March 7th to see if you've won!

Excitement, excitement, excitement!

2006-03-01T08:51:00.000-07:00

I've been a little down lately, which, honestly, is nothing new for me. I've been fighting it off for a few weeks now, but last night things took a very severe turn for around better corner. I can't get into much just yet, but what I can say is that Himself and I came to a decision that will completely change my life. *disclaimer - Mom, it's not about marriage or babies - sorry!* I can talk about it more mid-April, but I can say right now that things are looking up.

Besides, my new Armchair Cynics cd came yesterday! Okay, it's not really new - it's their old CD from 2003, but I was thrilled when I found it existed, and I'm glad to have a bit more of their music! If you haven't checked out their music, website, bought their CD or wrote them a letter telling them you love them, what the hell are you waiting for?!

I started a new Rent My Blog campaign, and I must say the last 24 hours have been absolute hell for me. Here was my issue: My new friend Newfie Girl bid on the real estate, as well as Henry the Adequate. Anyone who read my blog last week will know I absolutely love the Henry the Adequate blog. It's downright fun. In fact, if you look a short distance to your right, you'll notice I also linked to it! But Newfie Gir! Henry... Newfie Girl...

And so, I figured since I've already linked Henry, I would accept Newfie Girl as my new tennent! Sorry Henry, but I ask everyone to click on Henry's link, as well as Newfie Girl's. You won't regret it, trust me!

While over at Newfie Girl's blog, please comment and tell her you came from The Pen so she knows you dropped by. While you're there, go check out her dog, Princess Taco Fajita Burrito Nacho Jackson GK's blog as well! It's a hoot. You can even donate to buy Taco a new tiara! hehe.
In more exciting news (it's overwhelming, isn't it?!) Today is the first day of NaNoEdMo. 50 hours of editing in a mere 31 days. Whew! All this while blog- moving! Crazy. But I am determined. I've set out a game plan - sorta. Well, I've figured out how I'm going to spend my first editing hour, since the thought of doing 50 hours of line-by-lines makes me want to open a vein. So, I've decided to follow a strategy!

Step 1: Run a check for the word “began”. Anytime it’s used before an action ie: running, walking, reading, showering etc. Cut it and reshape the sentence.

Brilliance welcome - post below if you have any suggestions about what step 2 should be!

One more exciting thing: If you take a look at my little weather pixie to the right, you'll notice there is sun peaking through those clouds! It looks brilliant outside (I haven't been brave enough to step outside with this fresh-off-the-pillow hairdo).

Happy hump day all, hope no one wigs out - Friday's just around the corner!

Mmoonnsstteerr Jjaamm!

2006-02-27T07:47:00.000-07:00

Well, I can officially say I've now been to a Monster Truck show. On Saturday night, myself, Tara and Newfie Dan (as well as a couple others) went to Monster Jam at the Saddledome.

Strangely, when I told people my plans for Saturday night I got a vast array of reactions. Morgana's expression turned blank and she said, "why?" Miss Fern giggled for a bit and then said she could never picture me at a Monster Truck rally. Himself - well, I don't think I'll ever hear the end of it.

It was.... well, different.

I walked down to the 'Dome since I only live about 15 blocks away and I'm too cheap to pay for parking. And so, I braved the mounds of snow and the un-shoveled sidewalks in my brown heeled boots and trudged to the Saddledome.

e had a hard time with the cold (-20), and decided after 10 minutes she didn't want to work anymore. She'll get used to it...

At the Victoria Park station I climbed the C-Train steps and used the bridge. A train had just arrived and people were everywhere! Kids running all over; pre-pubescent boys yelling "GRAVE DIGGER!" with their siblings; divorced fathers overcompensating for their abandonment with buying every t-shirt in sight.

And then there was me. 5'9, blond hair, boot cut denim and brown heels. Me = sore thumb.

I waited out front for everyone else and had a cigarette. To my shock, not one single person snarled at me! In fact, there were other people smoking also! Convinced someone was going to come by and show me where the camera was hidden, I kept my eyes peeled for the rest of my party.

Kids, fathers, mothers all streamed up the steps and into the 'Dome, most carrying protective ear muffs. It was at that moment I knew I was in trouble - I didn't have protective ear thingies!!! Oh dear God!

The trucks were kinda scary, actually. There was one called "Jurassic Attack" which was terrifying at first- it was all done up like a dinosaur and was very loud. Then I realized the dinosaur was a triceratops, and remembered (from my childhood when I played with dinosaurs and, consequently, was beaten up by my classmates) that triceratops was a herbavoire, and really nothing to be afraid of.

Then there was a Batmobile monster truck, which was also kind of ominous. Until I remember that Batman was actually a superhero who helped the good people of Gotham City. And so, the Batmobile didn't frighten me anymore. I even thought perhaps I could get him to drive me home in that thing because, well, it was Saturday night and I would be walking home alone through downtown...

There was also freestyle motocross, which was REALLY cool. Those guys are insane! It was kinda hot.

Although I don't think I'll be first in line for tickets to the next Monster Jam, it was definitely an experience. My next experience: Bingo. Jack Osbourne's got NOTHING on me!

e

2006-02-25T12:18:00.000-07:00

No, not the drug. I've gone out and replaced my precious D with a new iPod, although D's carcass is still lying on the kitchen table, and makes me break out in whiny sobs each time I pass. Good thing I'm alone most of the time so no one knows! Well.... except you now... between us, right?

It was very difficult trying to find a Shuffle. Everywhere I went they were out of stock because Apple is phazing them out, and I was bombarded with the 'fantastic features' of the new Nano iPod. I don't know how many times, (the last few pleading for robotic salesman to listen to me) I explained I didn't want to spend $300-$400 on an iPod, I just wanted to replace my Shuffle. "Yeah, but it's being phazed out. You can't even get accessories."

"I know that. I have accessories. Please, just sell me that iPod."

"But the Nano..."

*gripping him by the collar on both sides* "Listen, mister. I've been through a lot. I just found my iPod in pieces. I'm distraught. I'm stressed. I'm about five seconds away from Kung-Fu kicking over that rack of DVDs. All I want is another Shuffle. Please. Go unlock that cabinet. Before I poke you in the eye."

"I don't know, ma'am. I think I should get my manager."

"Ah forget it!" and I left.

Fortunately, I found this really great guy at Future Shop (I think he was about 12 years old) who actually hooked me up with an open box model for a really good discount and gave me a 2 year warranty and everything! And here's the best part - he didn't harass me! Shucks, I love that kid.

And so, keeping with the natural progression of things, I've decided to name my new Shuffle "e". I will buy it pretty skins and tell it every night how much I love it. I left D on the table as a warning to little e about what might happen if she tries to run away. Tough love, I know, but sometimes you have to be stern when teaching electronics the dangers of life.

Well, if you've read this far, you're probably here under your own volition, not just killing thirty seconds on BE. So it might interest you to know The Pen is moving! When I officially launch the other blog, I'll let you know. For now I'm spending hours moving each post over to the new place, and including each comment. Thank goodness I only started this blog in September - this is almost as bad as moving apartments!

Last night, after much organizational ado, a bunch of us went for some drinks at The Cat and Fiddle. I had a good time, and thanks to people picking me up and driving me home so I didn't have to pay for a taxi, I only spent $25. Tonight, it's off to the Monster Truck Extravaganza.

Monster Truck Extravaganza. Yes, you read that right. I'm going to watch Monster Trucks. Hm. The crew we've got going is totally fun tho, so even though I'll probably catch syphilis by touching the doorhandles at this thing, at least I'll have a good laugh before I die.

A while ago I posted a plea for people to give me some ideas for new music. The response was underwhelming! After much searching, I finally found some new music. Olive, Imogen Heap and (gasp) an Armchair Cynics CD I didn't know existed.

Also, Pilate emailed me the other day (yes, me personally! Oh who am I kidding...) and told me their new album is coming out in April. God, that's so far away. But they two of their new songs up on Myspace for our listening pleasure. Sounds like it's gonna be awesome - reminds me a lot of U2.

And finally (whew, I'm getting exhausted here! How are you doing? Still hanging in there?) I added a few links to the sidebar to your right. Raine's blog, which is a lot of fun. HB's blog will make you think about life and ensure you have a tasty dinner (Post more recipes, HB! hehe). Also, Morgana's blog - check it out! She just started blogging less than 24 hours ago. I'm looking forward to a Reiki session with her once my 60 day no-fun marathon is over.

All right, that's it. Back to moving the blog and editing my murder mystery game!

Sayonara Mastercard!

2006-02-24T07:41:00.000-07:00

Just a quick post this morning to say a very fond farewell to my Mastercard! Hurrah! I have been waiting for one of my freelance cheques to go through for a week, and each day I thought about paying off the entire thing I got a little more excited. Well, this morning it happened!

Don't get me wrong, Mastercard was fine (I just finished paying them off after 5 years, don't want to get sued and have to start all over...). My card was cancelled in 2003 while I was living in Scotland and they've been letting me pay a little tiny amount each month - I can see why too. The interest each month has been making my struggle to pay it off even harder.

Well, the greatest thing about this is that wiping out the Mastercard has bumped me up from 19% to 44.5%! 55.5% more to go, and I'm debt free!

In honour of this momentus event, I think I will allow myself a little bit of fun tonight. One or two drinks - nothing crazy. Tomorrow it will be back to my 60 day no-fun marathon. For now, I'm so happy I could cry.

I'm off to work... I hope everyone has a fantastic Friday and a great weekend!

RIP D

2006-02-21T21:15:00.000-07:00

It all started the other day. I don't know where my brain went, but let's say the mometary lapse in thinking has caused me great grief.

Anyone who knows me is aware of the fact that my Ipod went missing last week. It was given to me by a friend for a good price, and that friend called it "D's Ipod", which thereafter became its name.

D traveled with me all over the place - Montreal, Halifax, Toronto, and Nicaragua. D kept me company while I ran on the treadmill, provided relaxing music as I did yoga, overcame the evil radio on my trips to and from work, and allowed me something to dance to when I had a bit too much to drink in my hotel room in Dartmouth.

Last week, D went misssing. I was surprised how frantic I was becoming simply by not having my loyal Ipod at my side. Suddenly I did not want to go to the gym anymore. Yoga was accompanied by an unnerving silence. I had to dance drunk to nothing! My life seemed ridiculously empty.

I know how stupid this sounds. Hell, when someone calls me at work and gets upset because they have to wait 7-10 business days for a replacement for their lost phone, I think, "Come on. It's just a piece of electronics! Pull yourself together!" And yet, here I was, hair a mess, breath abating, a constant tremor in my hands. All over my stupid Ipod.

I searched everywhere, considered offering a reward for its return, made up lame posters that showed a generic Ipod Shuffle picture, with the headline "Have you seen this Ipod?"

When I found it between my seats in the car, I let out a little whoop of glee, which actually echoed through the parking lot at work. I wouldn't let it out of my sight, held it in my hand for the rest of the day, and actually feared putting it back in my purse when I had to return to work. I was so relieved! My friend had returned!

Sadly, it was not meant to be. Four short hours later (yes, four hours later...) D disappeared again.

For the next few days I harassed anyone who would listen.

"Have you seen my Ipod?"

"Did I give you my Ipod to hang on to for me and I don't remember?"

(While gripping said recipient's shoulders tightly and shaking them back and forth) "PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF THE CHERUBS AND ALL THINGS HOLY TELL ME YOU HAVE MY IPOD!"

The answer was always a terrified, "No!"

All weekend I consoled myself by saying it would turn up. It's probably at work/in the car/gone on a Shuffle sabatical to Turkey and will surely return.

Today I was reunited with D. But it was not in the way I'd hoped.

An email came at around 10:00 today from Kenton at work, who was so close to being my forever hero. He asked me how much I loved him. I told him he was both kind and congenial. He told me he had found my Ipod.

"Great!" I replied via email. "Thank you sooooo much! Where was he?"

The reply came, "In the parking lot."

At that moment, my heart sunk. I gulped and typed, "Has it been run over?"

"Looking a little dirty - maybe."

I rushed from the training room to his desk and squeaked, "Is it okay?"

No. It is most certainly NOT okay. It was like having my dog run away and finding it lying on the side of the road, squashed. I was either going to vomit or cry.

It's blurry, but you get the idea. Click here for Puddle of Raine's beautiful eulogy.

My Saturday Night

2006-02-19T03:34:00.000-07:00

So, what did you do on Saturday night? Uhu, mhum, uhu. That's fascinating! I CLEANED MY BRUSH!

Oh, that's not all, folks. I also organized my recycling. Who says my 60 day no-fun marathon won't be any fun??!!

I can hear Mom groaning as she looks at this blog. She was there when I did NaNo 2005 and wrote 25,000 words in 2 days. I know, Mom, I wasn't making sense by the end, but this will be different! I can't cram 42 hours into 24! hehe. For all my fellow writers/masochist, click here.

Fresh air sweeping in through the balcony door.

2006-02-18T13:47:00.000-07:00

Well, the weather broke after just one day of coldness, and my weather pixie has finally stopped giving me the middle finger. So far it's our first day colder than -30, and I'm so happy it's gone I want to dance around like a homosexual bee leaping from flower to flower.

Before I was even finished my second coffee I had put away the dishes, swept the living room and washed the kitchen floor. Now my apartment smells Pine Sol fresh and I'm not even dressed yet! Next on the docket: the bathtub. I don't know if I have the strength, or strength of cleanser for that matter, but I will give it a try. If nothing else, the floor will get washed. Eventually. Maybe. It is quite possible my little splurt of cleaning energy has expended and the furniture will remain in the middle of the room, even though I'm having company over tomorrow.

Yup, that's right! I'm having company! But not like some smarmy dinner party filled with smug marrieds or smug not-even-married-yets, I assure you. We are FINALLY testing my newest kid's mystery game, "The White Wizard's Convention"! I'm quite excited. I began writing this mystery back in September, but being sent to Halifax and all sorts of other weird inhibitors prevented me from finishing. And so, I have one more file to upload and it's ready to go! Once it's tested, all I need are the pictures from Zac and it's DONE! To check out the preview, CLICK HERE. (it's about 4th down on the list)

Speaking of pictures, Raine created new pictures for The Mystery of Mrs. Mexiflower's Missing Marks Book, and they are all uploaded and ready to go! If you'd like to check them out, CLICK HERE. I sincerely hope Raine does not make it to the White Wizards testing on Sunday. Yeah, that's right, I DON'T want to see her there! I hope she's doing something MUCH more exciting. Good luck, Puddle of Raine.

In part 3 of the 5 part series, "What's cool on Jeremy's blog", we are looking at his online store. I think the funniest part of this page is the Teddy Bear wearing the shirt that reads "I hate babies." hehe. So go click on his ad on the right and leave him a comment, so he knows you're coming from The Pen.

I've also posted some new links to the right. The first one is to Miss Fern's brand spanking new blog. You might have read her comments, she writes under the name Crazy Catlady. Okay, so I added the Crazy part, but that's only because I know her so well. She is, indeed, crazy, but oh so much fun, and I'm sure her blog will be too.

The other link I added is to a blog called Henry the Adequate. I stumbled upon this blog through BE about 2 days ago, and in between other work projects I've been reading this crazy story. It's an absolute riot.

If you notice, my debt metre has moved! No, you didn't notice? Yeah, well, it's not by much, but it's something. In fact, had I not changed the colour of the debt metre there would be no proof it has changed at all! But that's not the point. According to the percentage stats (which I can't, for the life of me, figure out how to get to show under the little metre) I'm 19% of the way to debt free! Woohoo! Granted, as soon as this cheque clears that number will jump significantly, but I can't believe how much of a ridiculous thrill I'm getting off paying everything down.

Oh yeah. I have nothing better to do, thanks to my 60 day no fun marathon. That might explain the thrill...

TGIF

2006-02-17T07:40:00.000-07:00

OMG I don't think I have ever looked at those little letters with such gladness in my heart. I could hug Friday so hard its eyes would pop out of its head. Not only is it the weekend, but it marks the end of me being on the phones at work - at least for a few days. Also, last weekend I only had Sunday off, so two whole days to dedicate to my writing is almost orgasmically appealing. Also, the weather is supposed to break. Hurrah!

It's been a busy couple of days in blogging world - my good friend Miss Fern started up her own blog. Raine triumphed over the powers of evil in Myspaceland and finally got hers up and running. Check them out!

Part 2 in my series entitled "What's cool on Jeremy's blog" focuses on the "Youtakeit.com" link. Jeremy seems to just randomly give his stuff away. No strings attached. Check it out! Click on his tennant icon on the side of my blog, and then follow the links on the left side of his blog!

I had a dream last night I went to visit Mik and she was this totally successful author with books, merchandise and her own talk show! I hope it was prophetic.

Please, next time you call into a company, don't be mean to your customer service rep. Don't demand unreasonable things and then not shut up about it, like a three year old throwing a temper tantrum. Because your customer service rep is sitting near an open window on the third story overlooking an atrium. You could be the one to make her jump.

Brrr.

2006-02-15T18:50:00.000-07:00

Well, it's official. The cold is here. Not just any cold, but the kind of cold that makes your hair fall out. I'm talking the kind of cold that causes block heaters to malfunction. The kind of cold that makes your tire pressure reading drop, simply because even the air particles are retreating, screaming and covering their frost-bitten ears. The kind of cold that causes icicles to form on your nose hairs and frost to gather in your eyebrows.

Oh yea, finally global warming has taken the backseat, letting a true Calgary winter sneak through.

@!$%.

Right now it is -10, and so far my weather pixie is still standing tall in her long wool overcoat. It will be interesting to see what happens when, over the next 2 days, the weather drops to -31, -40 with the windchill. I'm betting she will let out a string of profanities before saying "@!#$ this!" and leaving the little square in which she seems to live. Let her inside! She's freezing! Or at least hand that poor girl a toque. I would lend her mine, but then I would die.

In the first part of our five part series entitled "What's cool on my new tennent Jeremy's blog" we will explore his cool blog and its many features.

I have learned his webcomic, Recycled, is what almost made me pee myself from laughter the other day. If you haven't checked it out yet, you totally should. Click on "Recycled" (bet you couldn't figure that one out!). At the bottom is a character poll on what he should have as his next character. I voted for the cute pink cow, although I was quite torn between the cow and the old sock of mystery! So, if you haven't been over yet, what in the heck are you waiting for? It's not like you can go outside! Our cable wiring will probably freeze and shatter shortly, so it's not like you'll be watching TV! Get over there, and tell him I sent you.

In other news, I've decided to find a new job. If you're reading this and I work with you, DON'T TELL! hehe. Anyhow, I haven't decided what I want to do yet, and so I am looking for some imput. What job should I take on? Here are your options, vote by posting a comment.

a) Bobble head doll - NHL series (Maybe Daniel Alfredson, pre-haircut...)
b) Synchronized Swimmer
c) Stephen Harper's parliamentary secretary for Francophone affairs
d) Director of sanitary aquarium relations

Let me know!

Welcome, Jeremy!

2006-02-13T07:56:00.000-07:00

If this post takes me any more than 3 minutes, I will be late for work. (Smoke begining to rise from the keys...)

I just wanted to post before leaving to welcome writer Jeremy C. Shipp, my new renter! (Look left!) His blog is hilarious and fresh, and I was laughing so hard Himself accused me of having smoked something other than a cigarette while I was out on the balcony. I was going to post one of the pictures, but Blogger isn't letting me right now, so click on the icon on the right and visit Jeremy. Make sure you leave him a comment, saying you're from The Spinning Pen so he knows his BE credits were well spent! Jeremy will be my tennent for 7 fun filled days, and we're sure to have lots of fun stuff going on while he's here!

Nuff Said.

2006-02-12T12:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, while I was driving home from the dreaded day job, I saw a woman in a pouffy white wedding dress running down the street - away from the church.

Hm.

Duuuuuurrrrrrrr.....

2006-02-10T05:33:00.000-07:00

Ever been in an argument and you know what you're saying is a pile of hogswallop but you can't seem to stop yourself? What the @!$% is up with that?!?!

Anyhow, I had a miserable sleep last night. It's 5:30 am and I finally gave up. I have a sleeping disorder called DSPS (AKA laziness if you ask any of my period one high school teachers...). At best, it takes me 45 minutes to fall asleep, and sometimes if I wake up in the middle of the night, another 45 are needed for me to fall back asleep. At worst, I'm up all night. I've only ever found one remedy to keep constant the 'best case scenario', but that remedy wasn't available last night. And so, I'm awake. I'm grumpy. And I'm blogging.

Fortunately, Voodoo tagged me (I've never been tagged! I'm so excited...) and so I now have something to do to keep me from crying from exhaustion-induced frustration (no really...). So here I go...

Four jobs I've had:

Well, I've had a hell of a lot more than four, let me tell you. So I'll pick the first four that come to my mind...

1. Bartending at Scott's Bar on Rose Street in Edinburgh

2. Barrista (twice) at Timothy's in Toronto (2 different locations, which is why I have no feeling left on my fingertips. Anyone who has done it will know what I mean...). I saved a fortune on coffee, and discovered that soy chai lattes are actually pretty good. The regulars (in the first place) were fun.

3. Receptionist for Michener Allen Auctioneering (no really, that is their name, it's not a typo...). I made $9/hour while living on my own with a car and insurance payments and yet somehow, I still got by. There are three reasons, however, that this job is noteable. First, when no management was around, the yard guys would let me drive the cars (Yeah, that's right! So if a Michener is reading this, there's nothing you can do about it now!! So there!!). Second, between auctions (once every 5 weeks) I became a Dope Wars champion and lastly, between Dope Wars tourneys I wrote my first novel. I was so nervous about it. I was a closet writer - I didn't want anyone to know. My loser fiance at the time would have totally made fun of me and put me down for it, and so I kept it this tiny little secret. That is, until four years later when I stumbled across The Writing Life and Mik, and they encouraged me to come out of my creative closet... I still have never submitted Heaven, and am on my four hundred and eighty fifth rewrite. heh heh

4. Okay, now for a bad one. I worked at this place called Wiggley Auctions. The guy who owned the place, Jackass Wiggley, was so chauvenistic. I didn't actually think this kind of stuff happened anymore until I was smack in the middle of it. He wanted me to bring him coffee, and if it wasn't just right he would make me do it again. I lasted three whole weeks in that joint.

Four movies I could watch over and over:
1. Bridget Jones' Diary (I know it's cliche but I love it)
2. Identity
3. The Two Towers
4. Gross Point Blank, Sliding Doors, Dream for an Insomniac, Sabrina (Old AND new) (Okay, that's not four, but really. Who can chose.

Four places I have lived
1. Calgary
2. Toronto
3. Edinburgh
4. Glasgow

Four TV shows I watch:
1. Frasier
2. Battlestar Galactica
3. Arrested Development
4. Corner Gas

(Fortunately, I rarely watch TV so S&TC & Frasier are still new to me sometimes!)

Four places I've vacationed:
Vacation? What, is that a joke?!? You mean, like not backpacking but relaxing?? Ok, I'll try anyhow...

1. Er... Montreal? (We went for a road trip once, does that count?)
2. Canmore! We went to Canmore last weekend! That was totally a vacation! Thanks, Mom!
3. St. Stephen, NB
4. Um... Orkney! (Okay, we were backpacking, but it was really cool and quite relaxing!)

Four of my favourite dishes:
1. Knefla
2. Chippy (I'd kill for a sausage & chips somedays, and watching Coronation Street just makes it worse...)
3. A really big Greek salad with lots of those light green jalapeno peppers. Strangely, they are really hard to find!
4. Donairs!

Wow, I wonder why I'm a bit fat. Heh heh

Four sites I visit daily:
1. Mik's blog
2. Voodoo's Lounge
3. BE (the scratch cards can be addictive!)
4. The Writing Life

Four places I'd rather be:
1. Running from the poltergeist that chased me in Edinburgh
2. Sleeping (but without nightmares that I'm protecting my daughter, a three year old Spanish girl named Cheese Para {Cheese Para is how I remember to say "lighter" en espanol} from vicious south end thugs. Thanks, Himself, for freaking me out with talk of four (yes, FOUR) children last night. Thank goodness I kept that paper bag around from my bath salts from Rocky Mountain Soapworks or I might have hyperventilated...)
3. Rapa Nui
4. Guisiliapa (OH MY GOD! Go Google Guisiliapa. Do it right now! You'll be amazed with your results! hehe)

Okay, my turn to tag. I think I need three, right? Okay, I tag MJ, Miss Fern and Krystal. Fern and Krystal are just going to have to post their answers in the comments below.

Get this. My losery fairy-princess-in-the-forest alarm just went off on my Treo. This is my "thank god I don't have to be up this early" snooze alarm. UGH!

Today is a bit exciting, though. Today is the first day of my 60 day do-nothing-fun marathon. The only fun things I'm permitted to do is go see the Petra display at the Glenbow, which I've budgeted for, an go to see 2 movies, since Mom gave us sweet movie passes for Christmas. 60 days. Lots of debt. I will overcome the evil interest rates, mutilate the mounting minimum payment, slaughter the spiking... oh, you get the picture. Keep up with my progress here each day on the tracker. It's not like I'll have anything better to do... I put a Debt Metre up on the right side of the blog, though it lacks specifics, ie: how much I owe.... This way I can track my progress in front of everyone and then I HAVE to get it all paid off.

Happy Friday, everyone!

You Are Fozzie Bear

"Wocka! Wocka!"
You're the life of the party, and you love making people crack up.
If only your routine didn't always bomb!
You may find more groans than laughs, but always keep the jokes coming.

The Muppet Personality Test

The worst book ever!

2006-02-08T21:49:00.000-07:00

I've decided to begin a new form of study for my craft, and I need everyone's help. So, if you're over from BE, I ask that you use 15 of your 30 seconds to ponder, and the other 15 to post below in comments.

What is the worst book you've ever read?

You can just give me the name or you can go into details, and tell me why it was the worst book ever.

I'll start. The Rule of Four.

Okay, your turn! Thanks in advance, you're really helping me out.

Oh by the way, I'm currently reading:

Wicked, by Gregory Maguire.

Spa Weekend

2006-02-06T10:05:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm back. The majority of my bumps have vanished - all but the 17 on my left hand.

This weekend Mom took my sister and I to Canmore for a spa weekend. We were originally supposed to do this in November for her birthday, but I was called out of town for work and she was patient enough to postpone it until February.

The spa was fabulous. I chose an Aroma Steam, a Spirolina Wrap, a 30 minute massage (which my ever so kind treatment girl, Melissa, turned into a hot stone massage, bless her heart!) and a pedicure. The hot stones ruined me though, and I fear I'll never be able to return to a regular, boring massage. Mmmmmm hot stone massage.

I had a great time hanging out with my mom, but my sister and I haven't been getting along for quite a while now. It's normal, I'm sure. We're just two very different people now. The great, looming mountains always inspire me too, and I'm determined this time to write that short story I swear I'll write each time I return from the mountains.

I made a few decisions this week. After being laid out with severe muscle pain and hives, fearing Typhoid Fever but knowing I was being silly, I had a lot of time to think, and I think the decisions I've made will be good in the long run.

It's time to start making some changes, and my first step (one I've been planning since November) is to pay off all my debts and be really frugal. And so, after much preparation, I will begin my two months of hermit-ism in order to battle the bulging interest rates. No more goofing around. After all, I'm not 25 anymore (can you relate, Marwa? hehe). My 60 days (or 4 paydays, maybe 6 depending on how badly I frack up) begins this Friday, so stay tuned while I lose my mind.

Speaking of Fracked Up, Battlestar Galactica is back on the air and I feel as though I'm whole again. I've got my S&TC, Corner Gas, Arrested Development and Battlestar. Now, I'm not normally a sci-fi geek. Himself used to make me record it for him when he was at work, and on my old bunny-ears TV I had to leave the set on, volume up, to get it to record. So, after MANY times trying to ignore it, I got hooked. It's so intense that my heart actually starts beating quickly at least once in each show.

Okay, enough about TV. I'm nearing completion (finally) on my Wizarding kid's mystery game. Hopefully only 2 more days until it's done. Thanks for popping by! Leave a comment to let me know you were here and I'll return the visit.

Video! Or not.

2006-02-03T00:54:00.000-07:00

A miracle has occured. I figured out how to extract the video from Nicaragua from my Mom's cool camera to the computer. Now the big question:

***drumroll***

Can I email it to Krystal and Javier?

And if this feat is accomplished, can I *gasp* upload it to Blogger? Let's see, shall we?

Well, apparently not. So I'll upload a picture instead. The quest for knowledge (how to upload video here) continues. Suggestions?

This is Javier's Mom. She saved me from this giant, scary, man-eating bug. Okay, really it's not scary OR man-eating, but it was pretty frightening when it landed on my shoe. Then I was informed that when these Praying Mantis bugs land on you, it means you will get money. It landed on my shoe, so I take that to mean I'm going to get money for shoes. Thanks Mr. Bug! And thanks Javier's Mom, for rescuing me!

My bumps are not entirely gone, but they aren't as itchy. My muscles have started working again, so I take that to mean I'm totally healthy. Totally. (Ignoring pain in shoulders and head...) Woohoo! I'm off to a spa with my Mom. YAY!

Bumps and burns

2006-01-29T14:16:00.000-07:00

Last night I was exhausted! Himself and I were supposed to go out to see a movie, and I totally bailed, wanting nothing but my ugly comfy pants, a pillow and my mother. Nothing like being a total baby when you're feeling run down. While I was making dinner I started the microwave, and then realized, after it started making all sorts of zapping noises, I forgot to put the food inside.

So we decided instead of going out we would order a pay per view movie. Feeling guilty about ruining our fun night out just because I was tired, I settled in on the couch to watch the 40 Year Old Virgin, hoping after all my lobbying to stay in I wouldn't fall asleep right there on the couch. Again.

About ten minutes into the movie my elbow got itchy. After scratching for about a moment, I asked Himself, "What's on my elbow?" His reply: "Oh my God, you've broken out in hives."

They were all up my arm and on my leg. Not long after, the 17 "mosquito bites" I received on the top of my left hand on our last night in Nicaragua puffed up and became super itchy again!

Thank goodness for the Infoweb. Himself calmly rushed to the computer and Googled "hives". Turns out there's nothing to worry about. Only, I can't help but worrying anyhow.

It just so happens I have a check up tomorrow, so I'm going to show my doctor the bumps and see if she freaks. If she does, that gives me permission to do the same. If not, well, I'll take some anti-histamine and not leave the house for fear of frightening dogs and making children run away screaming, "Ew, Mommy, what's wrong with that woman?!"

By the way, when did children start calling me "woman"? It's very disturbing that I'm getting that old. Friday night I fell asleep on the couch instead of going out to a lounge with my friends. Last night I blew off movies (granted, there's something seriously wrong with me -- maybe...) but I remember days when I could be missing an arm and still go out.

*sigh* I was always warned this day would come. I'd much rather spend my Saturday night writing, editing and mopping my floor than going out to some bimbo-filled club with 12 year old girls grinding against each other to catch the interest of ugly, annoying Shawn Desmond wannabees dry-humping barstools.

I mean, come on. Who would want to be like Shawn Desmond anyhow? He's totally lame, can't sing and has stupid hair. AND he's afraid of red-heads. A therapist would have a hayday with this closet necrophiliac. I mean, come on! Listen to one chorus of his songs and you just know he's so desperate for any kind of sex he would totally get it on with dead people. I'm not even linking to that loser because then you'll click on his website, thereby giving the impression his popularity has increased. If that happens, he'll never go away. This Canadian apologizes to the world for the horny little pre-pubescent boy wailing on your radios. That's most certainly NOT how we rock it in the T - dot. Trust me. AND anyone who actually knows how things are "rocked" in the T-dot would never be pathetic enough to call it the T-dot.

*whew* where did that come from? Aparently my usual self is consumed with battling the hives, giving my inner bitch centre stage.

Anyhow, back to normalcy. So, this morning (afternoon - I woke up, went to get a bagel, ate it, realized I was tired again and Himself and I went back to bed... he's still there...) I tried to make coffee as Javier's grandmother makes. I came pretty darn close (need more milk in my cafe con leche) so I'm keeping the method a secret, but let's just say I burned my hand pretty badly when I tried to pour the coffee from the pot into my cup.

Yeah, that hand with the hives.

It was everything I could do to keep my blue streak of curses to a whisper so himself wouldn't wake up.

Today I have big plans for finishing my Wizarding mystery game and doing some more polishing of Mending Resolute. Also, I may be in need of a reliable artist in the near future here, so if you happen to be an artist, please email me some samples... I profit share! I stress the word RELIABLE.

Here's me in front of a volcano. This is actually a lake behind me, which is home to a very unique kind of shark that can survive in both fresh and salt water.

Freakout

2006-01-27T19:19:00.000-07:00

I freaked at work today.

Freaked.

I hung up on this horrible customer and then stormed out. I got to the car before my mind cleared and I remembered...

Bills. Heat. Car insurance. Food. Oil of Olay soap.

And so, after sucking back a smoke, I slunked back into work. Fortunately, no one had even noticed I left.

By the end of the day I was in a better mood. During downtime I worked on my new murder mystery, which I totally enjoy. On the way out of work, I stopped to chat with a friend of mine.

There is just something about him that just soothes me. Our conversations always begin the same way. "Hey!" "Hey! How's it going?" And end with me leaving, no matter how bad my world is, with a happy little grin on my face. He says the most profound things. Today, somehow, we got on the topic of how in the afterlife we will get to see the truths of our lives as though a movie and will be able to see, as though an observer, the mistakes we made as well as the things we did right.

All that, plus more, in a mere seven minutes.

Then, when I got home things just got better. I received an email from Abraham from Guisiliapa telling me not to be sad and that they remember us and will not forget us. *sigh*

I sent off my second query today, kissed it and put it in the mailbox beside the last one I sent it from. Can't be too careful. It could have been the mailbox that caused the rejection!

Okay, let's see if Blogger will let me upload some pictures!

Now, I'm sure some are wondering where exactly Guisiliapa is. Well, thanks to Javier's finger, you now know...

Here's my jungle Leigh picture - me outside Javier's family's casa. His mother's garden is so pretty.

Okay, one more.

This is looking up the road toward Krystal and Javier's house. The green car is a taxi! And at the veeeeeery end of this road is some really scary shit. I have pictures. But those are for another blog.

Happy weekend, everyone!

What is this garbage in my coffee cup?

2006-01-25T13:12:00.000-07:00

Well, it's official. I'm back. Mna.

The reality of being home hit me in the form of a bad cup of coffee this morning. The same coffee I once adored.

I woke up this morning, checked the floor for cochroaches, slipped into my sandals and emerged Krystal and Javier's new house, walking down the dirt road to Javier's parents' place. As I approached, I waved at the people staring at me, some having never before seen a white person. I waved to them and shouted, "Ola, commo estas?" and they smiled and replied, "Bien, es tu?" What else could I reply but "Moy bien, gracias."

As I approached their casa, Javier's sweet little grandmother emerged her own house (next door to my destination) and handed me a cup of the most incredible coffee.

And I know coffee.

I cradled the short brown mug in my hands and savoured the aroma for a moment before sipping, as I do with a delicate single malt whiskey.

Then, the moment arrives - the moment I've been anticipating since the barking dogs and crowing roosters pulled me from my sleep. I take a sip.

And gag. The scene disolves and I realize I'm no longer in Guisquiliapa, but back in my apartment in Calgary. The sandles I slipped on were actually my slippers, the barking dogs and crowing roosters were actually passing cars and beeping construction vehicles. The dirt road was my hallway, desperately in need of sweeping. Javier's grandmother was actually my mini coffee pot.

Enter the post-traveling blues.

I've just finished uploading the almost three hundred photos I took over the last six days. God I love digital. Aside from being all but anally probed in Houston on the way back (I'm not STAYING in the US, I'm just passing through the airport to catch a connecting flight which I've now missed because you took so @!#$ing long adjusting your rubber gloves!) the trip was wonderful. Next time we'll fly through Costa Rica. And everyone warned me about the Nicaraguan immigration. @!#$ whatever. Sorry American friends... I'm not exactly impressed with Homeland Security right now, who turned four Canadian citizens' six hour return flight into an 18 hour ordeal while refusing to tell us while we were being held (which, I believe, is a human rights violation, but I'm no expert...) and separating us. Bastards. We still don't know why we were being held.

I'll post a bunch of pictures over the next few days, as well as some more Nicaraguan tidbits. Here's one... Blogger won't let me do any more today for some reason.

This is me in front of the sign at the entrance to Guisquiliapa, where we stayed, where Javier's family lives and where Krystal and Javier bought the house.
When we returned home last night, I checked the mail to find my SASE from my first query submission. Naturally, it was a rejection. I'm actually quite happy about it. They were quick to reply, which means I can now try somewhere else, rather than sitting around up to six months just to get rejected. Besides, it's not like I really expected my first query to lead to a book deal for Mending Resolute. Well, maybe a little tiny part of me - that unrealistic part of my brain that still believes world peace is possible.

I have to unpack, clean the apartment and pick up my drycleaning. It's not really that cold here - very warm for the end of January in Canada, but it's still too freakin' cold compared to Central America.

Oh well, at least I still have my sunburn and bug bites, which I adore right now as much as the bamboo bracelet Javier's mom gave me as a welcome present.

Type softly... everyone is sleeping.

2006-01-18T01:04:00.000-07:00

Well, in three hours we leave for the airport to Nicaragua. My cousin Krystal and her boyfriend, Javier, came in from Medicine Hat and we are all staying at my Mom's place tonight.

I have elected to stay up, since I've recently taken a few non-drowsy decongestants to combat plane pain. So as not to get too comfortable, Krystal, Javier and Himself are sleeping in the living room, mere feet from where I am typing. The combined breathing of the three is about as relaxing as ocean waves, but I must stay awake. Just in case.

I can hardly believe that at this time tomorrow we will be in Central America. I can't wait. I'm taking two books with me - the first The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, as recommended by a co-worker and book guru, Raine. The second is Shopaholic and Sister, the only Shopaholic book I haven't yet read. I've been waiting for the perfect time.

I plan on letting my muse run amuck, which basically means I haven't set any writing goals for the time I'm gone. I have many ideas for shorts, murder mysteries and, of course, more for Linde, but I'm not setting out a strict writing itinerary like I usually do. This is, after all, a vacation, even though my idea of bliss usually involves a pen and a notebook.

According to the polls, when I return we will have a new Prime Minister. Hm.

Krystal said internet cafes are abundant where we're headed, so I will try to blog somewhere along the line. We have lots planned: A canopy tour, in which you're harnessed onto a cable that spans the tops of trees and slide through valleys; a wedding (not mine! I swear!); a visit to a volcano. Is there anything better in life than exploring the world?

Yo Hablo Espanol!

2006-01-16T11:06:00.000-07:00

Well, sort of. Whether I hablo Espanol or not, I'm off to Nicaragua in 44.5 hours! The countdown begins. I'm also trying to get tomorrow off work, since I'm running so behind! Today I must fulfill my duty as a Canadian and go pre-vote. Who am I voting for you ask? NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS! heh heh.

Just one pic today, I'm afraid. I think I overloaded you all yesterday!

Okay, left to right - Me, JP (AKA Crazy Frenchman driver), Sunny and Tara. Despite appearances, JP is not a fashion tragedy. We were all required to wear those hideous vests. As you can see, we rarely complied. Does anyone actually look good in flourescent orange?

And I have to give MJ a formal, public apology. I'm sorry for stealing a page from your colouring book. I will bring it back today. I promise. Please don't tell on me.

Mik's quote, pics, pics and more pics

2006-01-15T18:44:00.000-07:00

This post will contain almost no words. Except those necessary. It's the weekend, after all, and what little brain power I do have is going into editing Mending Resolute.

Welcome visitors from Awful Souls. Please leave me a comment and let me know you were here. The more comments, the bigger Christa's thank you gift will be! hehe.

First off, I'd like to share the best PG-13 curse I've ever seen. It's from an Archie comic book I was reading at work (because I work so damn hard). I would like to take this opportunity to apologize to future readers of this Archie comic. Since I ripped this page out to bring it to blogland, they will begin reading a story and not know what the %$&* is going on.

MJ bought a colouring book and brought it to work. I was flipping through, laughing at the drug references ie: the kids eat the mushrooms and then fly to faerieland for a wild party (They want to ban Brokeback Mountain but not this colouring book. Go figure...) when I found this. I had to paste the poem underneath separate or it would have been too small. It reads:

"From Ireland come the leprechaun and the shee. They are as funny as funny can be."

Now tell me if this guy looks like any sort of fun to you.

And finally, the Halifax pics of the day. (I told you there would be no words today!)

On the left we have Tara. I'm sitting in the back, John is on the automan and Sunny is on the right. We went out that night and shook are bums. Maybe those pics will appear. Maybe they won't. Ha! Okay, one more. Did I mention John is AMAZING with the camera? Here's what he did shortly after this pic was taken.

2 days until Nicaragua! (Not including today, of course...) Himself and I got our needles today, and they were so well done, we hardly felt a thing! (Thanks to my Aunt Nancy, who is so skilled with a syringe)

And stolen from the drawers in Voodoo's Room, I am reposting this great quote from Mik. For those who don't know her, she's my superpowered writing partner in Texas, and if it weren't for her, I can guarantee you I would not be writing today. She helped me when I was just "inspiredgirl", too nervous to even post my real name with my writing. Here's what she wrote:

There’s something to be said for being with a powerful man… He can take care of sh** for you. Some nasty dude hits on you? He’ll just use the Force to get rid of him… I dig that.

Ha! You're hilarious, girl. If anyone would like to know what the hell she was talking about, you'll have to go to Voodoo's Room (but don't forget to knock first).

You might be obsessive compulsive if...

2006-01-13T11:10:00.000-07:00

It's FRIDAY! WOOOOHOOOO! I thought this day would never come. Has ever a week dragged more than this one? I think not. For some good old-fashioned anti-work fun, click here.

6 days to Nicaragua! HURRAHHHHH!

Last night I came to a startling realization. Every day I do EXACTLY the same thing! I get up at 10, whether I want to or not. I stumble out to the living room and turn on the computer. While it's booting up, I start the coffee brewing. Pick my profile and then wash my face. Stumble back to the computer and check my email, Mik's blog, Voodoo's blog, Colin's blog, MJ's blog. In that order. Then I pull up blogexplosion and in between editing paragraphs I surf for credits.

At precisely 11:15 I start slowly getting ready for work. I put my make up on in the exact same order each day. At precisely 12:15 I leave for work, 45 minutes before I have to get there. I always leave a 15 minute cushion in case of traffic. I plan my route before I leave the apartment, avoiding as many left-hand turns at uncontrolled intersections as possible.

I go to work. I try to forget I went to work. On the way home I flick my cigarette out the window (don't hate me!) at the exact same spot - the exit from Deerfoot Trail onto Memorial Drive. Then, I obsessively scan the back seat in the rearview, just in case the cigarette came back in the window, and keep checking the mirror to ensure there was no cop behind me to witness my crime.

I get home. I check my email. I watch back-to-back Frasiers and then The Wrong Coast. After The Wrong Coast, Himself goes to bed and I pop out onto the balcony for a cigarette and to read my book. Then I come in, turn off the lights, close all the cupboard doors in the kitchen and ensure twice the door is locked. I have a shower, during which my regime is militant: shampoo in, wash face while shampoo rinsing out as it conserves time. Then, I read for 30 minutes and it's lights out.

I do not EVER stray from this routine. So, I started to think about it last night, just playfully like. "Wow, I do the EXACT same thing every day..." And all of a sudden it hit me! I turn the coffee pot off three times, just so on the way to work I will remember it's off for sure and not race home, thinking I'm going to burn down the building. If I am not out the door by EXACTLY 12:15, I have a mini-panic attack and my heart starts to race. I'm a total germ phobe and refuse to open bathroom doors without my hands covered; I kick the flushy thing to flush the toilet. Could I be, in addition to everything else, a bit obsessive compulsive?

Today I tried to mix things up a bit. I got up at 9:30 insted of 10 and did 30 minutes of yoga and then studied Zen philosophy for 15 minutes by candle light. I checked the blogs in the reverse order. And here's the really weird one (that totally killed me for more than one reason...) instead of editing, I paid bills!

Now THAT is out of the ordinary for me. Just ask Telus - I'm no bill payer! I like to pay my bills quarterly, even when I'm on monthly billing. So, instead of writing this morning, I paid stupid bills. And I've forgotten to do half the things I normally do - simple things like putting on moisturizer. This routine mix-up has also thrown off my appetite, and I can hardly swallow my raisin bagel with cream cheese. I miss my routine, but fear ending up in a straight jacket in a padded cell, although I've always thought it might be fun to run around in one of those rooms for an hour or so, like those air-filled jumping apparatusususussss (say that when you're 12 beer in the hole...) so popular at children's birthdays.

Below are some more pics from Hali. I really have to go. Thanks to my new non-routine, I have 20 minutes until I must walk out the door and my hair is still in a towel...

Denise and me displaying our super fighting skills. Strangely, no one is frightened....

And then we turned on John. I'm still not really certain he deserved it...

Pictures from Smelly fax and New Music Needed!

2006-01-12T10:18:00.000-07:00

Last night a good friend of mine, John, sent me some pictures from our 5-week work excursion in Halifax. And so, since they are hilarious, I've decided to dedicate the next 7 days to the Halifax Picture of the Day. I must warn you, most of them are us goofing around on Sunny's balcony while smoking, so anyone easily offended with smoking, violence or balconies, viewer discretion is advised.

This is me after the gym. Yup. Smoking. After the gym.

In the back is me, doing my best "fierce" look, which always ends up appearing like my pigtail elastics are too tight. Denise comes next. Sunny is in the brown hat and last but not least is John, who is not only hot, but also an incredible singer. Maybe if I beg he'll let me post something of his here.

But today you're in for an extra treat! Poetry!! No wait, don't go! It's not mine! I swear! It was written by a friend of mine named Fern who also gets creative when mind-numbingly bored at work.

WAKING UP OLD

you wake up one morning
to find things have changed
nothing is in it's proper place
things are rearranged

Your face is wrinkled and sagging
Your bum is doing the same
Your boobs are reaching the stomach
Now who can we blame

You look in the mirror and sigh
where did the time go
Just last week it seems
that you had the childhood glow

you have no choice but to accept
the truth as it lays in front of you
you have the choice to make life happy
or to make life blue

Happy seems the way to go
it makes it easier on everyone
it makes it easier on yourself
because nothing can be done

I'm in desperate need for new music that isn't mainstream Britany Spears media-pushed garbage. Sooooooooo, if you know of a band who is maybe lesser known I can check out, please post them in comments. I believe many bands don't get enough play, so we all have to keep each other in the loop. Here are a few of mine:

Armchair Cynics

Pilate

Maria Mena

Kathleen Edwards (Check out the video for Hockey Skates)

and of course, my Mending Resolute soundtrack and lord of my Linde-kicking-ass inspiration, Matt Good

In other news, I picked up some instant coffee last night. Hence the higher quality post. I swear, as blog as my witness, I will never run out of coffee again. Y'all are safe from another nonsensical post. Well... maybe not.

Hurry Up Weekend!

2006-01-11T10:41:00.000-07:00

How on earth is this possible? It's really, truly only Thursday? No, wait - Ak! It's only WEDNESDAY! For the love of the cherubs and all things holy, will this week ever end??

And to top it all off, I have no coffee. I'm all out. But without my coffee I don't have the energy to go anywhere, so I can't get any coffee. And ironically, when I turned on my media player on shuffle this morning, the first song to come on was Evanescence's "Bring me to Life." *sob* I miss coffee!

I guess I have a few reasons to be anxious for this weekend. First, season 2 of Corner Gas is sitting here waiting to be watched. Second, next week I'm going to Nicaragua and I have to go shopping (I know, I know, my life is soooooo tough! hehe) and third, no work for 2 blissful days.

Right now I'm putting together my second query letter for Heaven which, for those who don't know (which I believe is everyone practically but Mom and Mik) is chic lit. The best sentence I've come up with so far is, "Anna owns a dog." *vomiting pukey noises*

That's it? That's all I have to say? Hey! Don't look so shocked! I can be quiet sometimes!

Currently reading:

But I haven't made up my mind yet...

All right, I'm going to go see if I can squeeze a cup out of yesterday's grounds. I want coffee sooooooooo badly!!!!!!!!!!

Croaking from my rented lilypad

2006-01-08T11:01:00.000-07:00

Woohoo! I'm renting a lilypad in the pond in Faerie Lake in the Enchanted Forest!

One of my favourite Blogmarks is Pond Perspective by Ribbiticus. To my delight, she has accepted me as her new tenant, so for one fun-filled week my thumbnail will display to Faerie Lake's visitors. Quite the honour! Before I even knew she had accepted my bid, I already had a bunch of posts from her readers. So, if you're here from the pond, thanks for stopping by. My readers can visit the lilypad at enchantedlilypad.blogspot.com.

Also, thanks to an anonymous someone from the That Poor Kid post, here's another good laugh.
http://www.guzer.com/videos/numa_numa.php . There must be something about this song that makes people want to act like weirdos, because here's another one. http://www.guzer.com/videos/numa_dancer_busted.php
But I have to warn you, like that stupid Black Eyed Peas song, "my Hump" or "my lump" or "my rump" or whatever (recently voted worst song of 2005, by the way), this song will become lodged in your brain.

Last night was my work gala, the politically correct version of a Christmas Party. I got to wear The Dress, so I was happy. Only, I needed shoes. I love that phrase. "I need shoes." The word "need" eliminates all guilt.

Granted, I probably didn't need TWO pairs of shoes, but thanks to the Canadian Government depositing my GST rebate, I was able to eliminate all guilt conjured by the purchase of the second pair.

Instantly my spirits were lifted. What is it about a strappy pair of Mary Janes that can just make life seem worth living?? They were quite the find, actually, and after showing them off all night (they actually got as much show as The Dress!) I enshrined them on the top shelf of my closet, beside the Jackie O's and the open-toed pink heels. The top shelf of my closet is starting to look like my shoe hall of fame!

I took this quiz thing off someone else's blog... here are my results:

congratulations. you are the kiss my ass happy
bunny. You don't care about anyone or anything.
You must be so proud

which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm posting a countdown to Nicaragua! 9 days today... I can't wait!

Arrested Development and other randoms

2006-01-06T11:08:00.000-07:00

Those who know me well know I do not watch much TV. My television doesn't even usually enjoy attention until I get home from work at 10:30pm and watch back to back re-runs of Frasier, (cancelled) one episode of The Wrong Coast (cancelled), and then it goes off again. I catch Family Guy (Recently UNcancelled) S&TC (cancelled) re-runs when I'm enjoying some wine, and Corner Gas (freakin' hilarious, for those who don't know it.)

And Arrested Development. This show is very high on my list. It's hilarious, smart and very glib. There were episodes I would watch once at 7 and again at 9 because I was laughing so hard I missed part of the show.

I read in the paper Arrested Development is in trouble again. Considering this show was critically acclaimed, for some reason people don't watch.

Is everyone too busy watching The Apprentice? America's Next Top Model? American Idol? How is it that these shows make it and something as good as Arrested Development struggles?

Himself nailed it, I think. He said, "It's too smart."

Whatever the reason, I'm using my little soapbox here to voice my concern. Write a letter. Email your desire to save the show to askfox@fox.com. Americans - call 800-369-6848 and tell them you give a shit. Mail a banana to Peter Liguori, Marcy Ross, Gary Newman or Dana Walden at:

FOX Broadcasting

10201 West Pico Blvd.

Building 100, Room 4450

Los Angeles CA

90035

Or, even more fun, send someone a postcard by going here http://the-op.com/gallery/thumbnails.php?album=6.

Postcards like this:

If you've ever laughed at my expense (as most people do...), just send one piddly little email. If you haven't, my archives are on the side. Surely I've made an ass of myself in some way that could amuse you, and then you could send an email to absolve your guilt for laughing at me.

Alright, I'll lighten up. Himself met Walter Gretzky yesterday! Apparently he came into the store and hung out for an hour just chatting with the staff, telling stories and things. He's an incredible guy - salt of the earth, encompassing everything it means to be Canadian.

And today, I am going to mail off my first novel query. Yes, I've decided to take Mending Resolute to the publishers. Don't worry, if you have a current subscription it will continue. Publishers can take 6 months to reply, and in the mean time, I owe it to you all to keep going. Thanks so much to those who have subscribed and kept subscribing. I would not be writing Linde's story right now if it wasn't for you.

I thought I said I was going to lighten up! Damn, sorry. Anyhow, everyone have a fantastic weekend!

That poor kid.

2006-01-05T11:02:00.000-07:00

The other day a co-worker was telling me about this video of a kid from Quebec floating around on the internet. He was playing around with a video camera and a broomstick and is a huge Star Wars fan and... well, you can probably figure out the rest.

I tried to ignore the desire to check it out ("Just Google 'Star Wars Kid'" he told me, which made it far too easy). Everyone else at work had seen it also, so I thought maybe it was one of those emails floating around the office.

I went to Google a few times and typed it in, but before I pressed "search", I would remember that if people worldwide had not done the same thing, this poor kid wouldn't have his video passed around the www.

Finally last night I mentioned it to Himself, expecting it to peak his curiosity and thereby nullify my feelings of guilt about wanting to see it. To my surprise, he said, "Yeah, I've seen that. It's hilarious."

Am I the only one in the WORLD who has not seen this?

"Yeah, I'll show you. I know exactly where it is," he tells me, leaving the couch and Arrested Development on DVD.

So much for the moral high ground. But really, who the #!$% do I think I am, Buddah? And so, I curled up cross-legged on the ugly-but-comfy rolly automan and watched the video online.

And almost fell off.

It wasn't so much the kid that was funny. I mean, it was, but who hasn't done something like that when no one else was around? It was the fact that all of these computer weirdos added in the noises and lights, as though his broomstick was a lightsabre!

I fell into hysterics. It got so bad that I couldn't even laugh anymore. I just sat there with my mouth wide open, no noise or breath coming out, and tears streaming down my cheeks. When I could actually extract speech, it was to mutter, "Oh my God, that poor kid," over and over.

If you have been apparently living in a barn under a cow like me and have not seen this, well, I'm not going to tell you where it is. If one person would not have done that, this poor kid's little rendition of what I'm guessing (from the way he uses both ends of the lightsabre) is Darth Maul would not be all over the internet, his parents wouldn't be suing and there might be a chance of him getting a date within the next 30 years.

Having said that, had you paid attention as you read, it should be pretty self-evident the way in which to go about viewing the aforementioned video.

Wink to 2005

2006-01-02T10:50:00.000-07:00

Before I begin, I would like to point out that I have added two new links, as well as a guest map. So go stick your pin in my guest map. There is now a link to MJ's blog. Don't just sit there - click on it! I also added a link to the site I contract for - Host-party.com. I write kid's mystery games for them, so go check me out there!

Well, it's officially 2006. How can one not get nostalgic, thinking of New Years parties of the past and what one has accomplished in the previous year?

Last year I made progress. I only held three jobs. Made 6 new friends, lost touch with 3 old. Watched one of my longest and dearest friends walk down the aisle, got teary when she delivered her speech.

I did something I swore I would never do, and feel good about it.

Drank some really good coffee.

I saw Pilate in concert, wore a yellow princess dress and pink, open-toed shoes. I spent five weeks on the ocean. Placed in a writing contest; saw one of my favourite stories between the covers of a book. Walked away from one opportunity only to trip over another.

Decided to grow out my hair. Realized it's not as curly as it used to be, but now has a natural, sexy wave.

Decided to be more sexy in general.

Wrote erotica. Read erotica. Cheered on a writing friend as she typed a fury of naughty sentences, and then had her work picked up. It's about time.

Discovered a new band I love.

Ended a relationship. Rekindled the same relationship.

Vowed to get back to the gym - tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow.

Started running to combat recurring nightmares, realized the pain is bittersweet.

I felt powerful. I felt pathetic.

Decided to go to Cambodia. Decided to go to Nicaragua.

Came to terms with Linde's fate.

Tasted the raw twang of realizing something I always thought I wanted encompasses everything I despise. Celebrated fleeing, safe in the knowledge that I now know the truth, and also what I don't want to do in this life.

Gave Simone Byline a platform on which to rant.

Stretched.

2005 has been good to me. I will not hold my hopes high for 2006 - who knows what will happen. But with all the good things that have happened in 2005, I'm kind of glad to see it go. So, I flip my long(ish) wavy hair over my shoulder and wink at 2005. Thanks for the apartment.

Things are about to get a little bit pissy...

2005-12-30T11:00:00.000-07:00

Okay, okay, I know I'm not usually that kind of blogger - you know, the one who is pissed off about everything. This post, however, might seem a bit curt and grouchy. And I don't care. So, if you came here for some light-hearted post about my Christmas Tree falling over, scroll past this rant. Click the next number on your Blog Explosion pannel - don't wait for the word GO!

I'm making a prediction. And I don't have to be a ruddy psychic to do it either. Because year after year un-original bastards piss me off to the point I don't even want to open the newspaper.

Well, most days I don't open the newspaper anyhow. After all, the slanted publications in this country (parading as periodicals of journalistic integrity) usually lack any actual facts save what Stephen Harper wore on his most recent backyard bbq appearance. But that's a whole other rant which I will not burden you with today. No, today I target the folks who stand in the background - who hide in dim rooms of their houses, scetching big-nosed likenesses of anyone in the limelight, tongue lodged firmly in their cheek thinking to themselves, "Wow, I'm so intelligent. I'm so glib. I'm such a smartass."

Yes, I'm talking about the Editorial cartoonists of the world.

I've spoken to, and have met, quite a few in my travels, and most are fine people. So, I pass by their biased, editorializing cartoons with not much more than a twinge in the corner of my mouth, either from amusement or disgust - the reaction is the same.

But New Year - New Year is bloody different. I started thinking about it this morning and I got right pissed off.

My prediction: TAB, Cam or some other editorial cartoonist, at least ONE if not TWELVE here in Calgary will be guilty of un-originality, not to mention hundreds of others world wide.

Somewhere in Managua, a man with a sketchbook just stuck his tongue in his cheek and thought "Wow, I have a great idea for a New Years editorial cartoon!" (But of course he thought it in Spanish, not English, because they speak Spanish there.)

I'm sure we've all seen it. Baby with sash - 2006. Old man with sash - 2005. Baby is frightened. Behind old man will surely be some representation of Gomery, some Conservative-slanted dig at the Liberals. Old man wishes baby luck. Baby trembles with fear, wondering "what am I being thrown into?"

COME ON! BE ORIGINAL!

And by original, I don't mean merely sitting 2006 baby in front of a stack of giant boxes of Valium. That's just dumb, because Valium doesn't come in giant boxes! Trust me, I KNOW!

Use a tiger. Use a budding seed of a plant. Use a gentle wave sliding up the shore, about to wipe out "2005" written in the sand. USE SOMETHING ELSE, for crying in the sink!

This must be Political Cartoonist's favourite day.

"Hey! Mildred! Where's that box of my cartoons from last year?"

"In the basement, why?"

"I need to pull out that New Years 2005 cartoon, erase the years on the baby and old man's sashes and use it again this year!"

"Wow, honey, you're so smart. That's why I married you."

"That's right, Mildred, I am smart. And none of those foolish readers will even notice I used last year's cartoon! Wahahahaha. WAHAHAHAHA (crackle of lightening in background)"

If you spot a culprit on New Years Day, let me know. Just as we must expose Liberal scandal, Adrienne Clarkson's travel expenses and the truth behind Jack Layton's mustache, these cartoonists must also be exposed for slacking off.

Wow, you're still reading! I'm impressed.

Timber!

2005-12-29T11:09:00.000-07:00

At around 3pm the other day, I was lying in bed (I was on holidays!) and I heard this odd crash. I emerged from the bedroom to find... well, this.

That mess of lights on the floor is our Christmas tree toppled over. I'm still finding balls around the apartment!

It's not such a surprise though... remember the theory I had about the angel on the top of my tree being drunk? It was kind of already leaning at that point.

The tree is once again standing, of course, but it's tilting precariously. It's really only a matter of time.... Stay tuned - another crash is just about as exciting as anything else happening this week, right? Right? What, you've got better plans? Something more exciting this weekend? heh heh

The Resolute Reader is Online!

2005-12-27T11:44:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, I recently left Keepitcoming.net (and not a moment too soon, it would seem...) and went out on my own with my serial story, Mending Resolute. Linde is the main character, a south end resident with the ability to slow down time in her mind - to explore a second for hours. Oh, and did I mention she can kick some ass?

A hot Scottish guy ropes Linde into fighting the south end thugs (ain't it always boys who get us girls into trouble?!). Scott's gran has recently been hospitalized from a mugging, and he's desperate to place her attackers in the emergency room of Valeur Hospital. Linde's father has also fallen victim to the brutality of the south end thugs, and a once-Olympic footballer is now confined to life in a wheelchair.

The Resolute Reader is a shameless publication claiming to cater to all of Resolute. But instead of focusing news stories on the rich North Resolutonians, Simone Byline, the city reporter, focuses on the crime in the south end. Journalistic integrity is certainly not kept in check as Simone Byline tangles the facts with her rash opinion and calls out Resolute's figureheads, demanding answers about why nothing is being done. The first (and rather tame...) article is up on The Resolute Reader, and there are plenty more, ripped from the pages of Mending Resolute, to come.

Also on The Resolute Reader newspaper site - classifieds. I need more classifieds, and they are, of course, free. There is a link for emailing me on the actual paper site, or email me at mendingresolute@yahoo.ca.

Check it out, post a letter to the editor if you like and rant about the horrible state of affairs in the south end. In the meantime, Linde will keep using her Kali moves, mixed with random Scottish bar fighting techniques to protect the few good people still left in Resolute's south end.

www.theresolutereader.blogspot.com

Dancing in your underwear

2005-12-22T11:37:00.000-07:00

This will probably be my last post before Christmas. I'm not really one of those super Christmas people, and I'm most definitely not going to dress up my blog with Santa hats and jingle bells that blast through your stereo and scare the shit out of you. But I wish everyone a Merry Christmas all the same. I hope you survive it. Go for the full calorie egg nog, tip in a drop of rum or 20. Get drunk enough to insult that relative you've always secretly wanted to tell off. Let your festivities spread into your fish tank - one tree ball won't hurt them, will it? Try to have fun. It is, after all, the celebration of the birth of Christ, and, judging by those nativity scenes that seem to be in abundance this time of year by Christians and non alike, the wise men, Joseph, that cow in the hay - they partied. That stable was out of control! Um... yeah....

I think every girl has it - the dancing in her underwear song.

Some might remember Carrie from Sex and the City on the commercial, bouncing up and down the hallway in a pair of underwear and a tank top.

No one talks about it. All girls want to. And I'm sure men want us to talk about it, too.

You're getting dressed. Your music is on. You're halfway to fully clothed and it starts to play. That song. You can't help yourself. You have to spin, twirl, sway...

The bed or the couch suddenly becomes your stage, and you don't even notice you could lose your balance and fall into the coffee table or knock over your night table. You're not at a nightclub, no one is around to see you. You have freedom to do anything - jerks, spins, moves that have been outlawed since the eighties. Maybe you sing. Maybe you don't. What is it about that song that you just have to move or you'll suffocate? What is that song??

Post below, all, I can't wait to read them. Crap, have to go, going to be late for work.

I think the angel atop my tree is drunk.

2005-12-22T00:10:00.000-07:00

I was wondering what happened to all my Bacardi. No rum & egg nog for me anymore. Damn drunken angel.

Who is Linde and going to Nicaragua!

2005-12-19T00:10:00.000-07:00

I refer to Linde every once in a while, and I've had a few people ask me who she is. Linde Riley is the butt-kicking protagonist in my serial, Mending Resolute. If you can't click the links, please visit http://www.mendingresolute.com and tour virtual Resolute. It's currently a WIP until my graphics designer and I are able to meet for coffee and discuss things further, but I appreciate everyone coming by and subscribing none the less. Did I mention the issues are now all in PDF? I'm so excited.

Speaking of excited, it's official! I'm going to Nicaragua on January 18th! Woohooo! We (Me, Himself, my cool cousin and her honey) are going for 5 days. They just bought a house there, and we are tagging along. Just hope I don't run into any lizards on rocks, eh cuz? heh heh.

Now I'm learning Spanish as fast as possible. I have the CD's and have been listening to them in the car as I drive. It has actually curbed my road irritation (It's not bad enough to be rage, but I have yelled at other drivers from time to time).

Also, I have added a guest map! Look that way --------------------->

Now go click and add your little pin thing! Oh what fun.

One last thing, thanks to Jag, who posted after my tooth debacle assuring me the pain would ebb and commiserating, thereby making me feel much less ridiculous. I still am talking funny. Although some might argue that has always been the case.

Fa la la la la la la la la

2005-12-16T09:32:00.000-07:00

This morning I dropped my Mom off at the airport. Lucky bum, she's going to Mexico until the 23rd!

And as I was driving back from the airport, sick with jealousy that she will be on a beach soon while here in Calgary snow is lightly falling, I almost threw up.

Not from the jealousy sickness, but from the Christmas Carols on the radio.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love Christmas, but I've hit this point in my life where I can look at something, like Pork Chops, and say, "I'm not going to try to like pork chops anymore, I'm strong enough in myself to declare I hate them!"

And so, I am strong enough and sure enough in myself to declare that I don't like all Christmas Carols. In fact, there are some I downright loathe.

Like The Little Drummer Boy. I HATE that song! Oh, it feels so good to say it. Such a release! You try! Is there one song you despise? Confess in the comments. You know you've got them - you've been hearing them on the radio since October 31st.

My favourite though, is O Holy Night. So, if you're not at the point where you can admit to the songs that make you shudder, post your favs instead.

*Warning* For the good of all, any mention of the NKOTB Christmas album will be removed by administration.

Really, officer! The reason I reek of whiskey is...

2005-12-14T21:17:00.000-07:00

First of all, since I've registered with Blogexplosion, I'd like to welcome all my fellow blog surfers. If you are at all interested in laughing at someone who constantly seems to do stupid things, Blogmark me now. You can also laugh at me in the comments. Go on. I don't mind. Most of the time I'm thinking that Linde would never do something like (insert stupid move of the day...)

Case in point... I started going to a new dentist, and they give new referral customers a custom whitening kit, with specially made trays designed from molds of my teeth. Yup, way cool. So, I received my whitening kit on Monday and, although I just had two (rather large) cavaties filled, I was excited to try out my new toys (the toys being the syringes and mouth trays and stuff). And so, Monday night I began the first of four nights wearing the whitening goop. It even tasted pretty good! (And when I say tasted good, I mean in a medicinal, flouride-at-the-dentist's-office kind of way. Not good like Pizza or Tikka Masala.) They said only to use a little, because, according to the directions, a little goes a long way.

The next morning I woke up SO excited! I ran upstairs to check my brilliantly white teeth. Only, nothing had changed. Undeterred, I reasoned I had three days of the treatment left, and I drink about 8 cups of coffee a day (which, if you're new here, will probably end up explaining a lot in future) so I had a bit of yellow for the whitener to combat...

Well, not like nasty-teeth-on-the-cigarette-packages kind of yellow, because that's just bad hygene. For the courtesy of my American friends and visitors who probably haven't had the pleasure of this disgusting sight, see below. (And even funnier, the caption under this picture when I Googled it actually read "Ugly Canadian Cigarette Warnings")

Yeah, nothing that bad. Just for the record.

So, last night I filled the trays a bit more. Not much, just a bit. At three am I awoke from a disturbing dream about throbbing gums to find my gums were throbbing. So, in my sleep, I took out the trays, the dentist's voice ringing through my hazy dream state. "Your teeth can be a bit sensitive after you use the whitener."

At eight am, even without the stuff in my mouth, my teeth were stinging and my gums burning! I couldn't sleep. I could hardly cry. I was reminded of the time I took some of those muscle-woman pills before I went to the gym and then got on the arms machine. For the next 72 hours I was less useful than a goat. It hurt to lay there. It hurt to sleep. It hurt to breathe!

And so, at 10 am I hit the sauce. I firmly believe that Scottish single malt whiskey is the cure to everything (it is, after all, called the Water of Life). For five hours I did little else but rub Glenlivet on my ailing gums. They would go numb for about 24 seconds, and then begin to throb again, at which point I would reapply the whiskey.

Finally, at 3 pm I decided it was time to get out. I couldn't concentrate on my murder mystery, I couldn't even focus on the television. So, I thought I would take my new book (which is brilliant, by the way) to Chapters and get a coffee.

And so, I stood in line at Starbucks, tongue wedged between my top lip and my teeth to prevent any chilly air from sneaking through the tiniest spaces between my lips. The barrista asked me what I wanted. I leaned really closely and ordered (Thanks to Michelle) a Pumpkin Spice Latte.

"Only, can you just make it luke warm?"

He flashed me a weird look, glanced outside at the Canadian winter, then looked back at me (tongue back between lip and teeth). "Like, what - 140?"

"Actually," I said with great effort, "Like, 120." (Tongue immediately back between teeth and lip.)

He paused. "Are you sure? That's not very hot."

This time, without even dislodging my tongue, I replied, "I've indured my mouf."

He started laughing. And not one of those laughs like he was laughing with me. Oh no. He was laughing at me. And so he yells, as they do at Starbucks, to the other barrista as he wrote on the sleeve, "One Grande Pumpkin Spice Latte, 120 degrees for the woman with the injured mouth."

Durrrr!

Then he asks me if I still wanted the whipped cream on top. It was my turn to laugh at him. Um, yeah.

Then, as the other barrista hands me the drink, she yells it out again! I'm shushing her as people in deep arm chairs look up from their conversations and books at me once again. With tongue between lip and teeth, I say "thnks" and shuffle to the only available chair.

I went for the Pumpkin Spice because Michelle always blogs about them. Thank you, Michelle. I thought it would be gross. It actually was not.

Gross, that is.

And a friend of mine lent me a book called The Bride Stripped Bare by Nikki Gemmell. I'm only 37 pages in, but so far I love it.

My teeth are feeling a bit better, but everything I touch, for some reason, feels like I'm chewing on a piece of tin foil. I don't even have to chew on the aforementioned "things", I just have to touch them with my fingers, and I go into heeby-geeby spasms.

Moral of the story: don't be dumb.

New Mending Resolute Thumbnail!

2005-12-13T18:37:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm trying to make this sound like it's an actual, exciting blog subject, but really I'm just messing around with the format again, and I want to see if this method of adding my Mending Resolute thumbnail to the sidebar will work. But aren't you glad you read it anyhow? If this works and as you read this, you see the thumbnail below also on the sidebar, please click the sidebar link. If it doesn't work, let me know. If it works, have fun touring Virtual Resolute!

Work in progress

2005-12-12T01:37:00.000-07:00

Well, today I got ambitious about The Spinning Pen and - well, this is what happened. Everything is almost the way I want it, but I can't get my graphic for my header uploaded... yet. Come hell or high water, it will be done. Any suggestions at this point would be helpful. Oh, and if you love it or if you loathe it, post below! I may not change things, but people ranting always makes for interesting reading.

I also updated most of the Mending Resolute site, and it's about bloody time! Tomorrow, provided my dentist doesn't incapacitate me (I doubt it, she's really nice, but I have cavities...) I will be adding more pictures to the Virtual Resolute section! Yahoo!

Also, Mending Resolute issues are now available in PDF! Thanks to Steve from Tall Tales Press for tipping me off on a way in which to publish in PDF! That's it for me - I'm going to bed. Maybe I will dream of a way to upload my graphic into my template...

Blog of the log and the Great House Migration 2005

2005-12-09T23:47:00.000-07:00

Well, it happened again.

No, I'm not cracking up, it really did happen again. I got stuck behind yet another house two intersections away from the previous two last night.

As all three houses were traveling east to the edge of the city, I'm deeming this The Great House Migration of 2005. Perhaps the houses are collectively fleeing the cold, tired of having to shelter humans and not getting any appreciation. Kind of like all those birds who begin flying south for the winter and then a Chinook rolls in and they all come back, only to flee, squawking, the next day when the temperature drops again to -30.

Ever notice how there is always that one bird flying north? I used to think it was because he was an outcast, or got angry with the other birds in his flock.

Now I'm convinced it's because he forgot his wallet.

Tonight after work I sat on the couch staring at the television. After about 20 minutes of watching who knows what, I started channel surfing and found the best program.

It was a burning log on channel nine, like those DVDs one can buy if one wants to watch a fire but doesn't have the luxury of a fireplace.

I wondered what would happen when the logs died down - whether or not a hand would come out of nowhere and put another log on the fire, or if a poker stick would appear from the right and begin rearranging the wood. And so, for another 15 minutes, I sat watching the fire on TV, waiting.

I wanted to change the channel, but I couldn't stand the thought of missing it. One smaller log was burning at the front, outside the metal confines of the fireplace. Soon it would break off and the log would fall out and surely start a house fire. If only I waited long enough, it would happen.

After watching it for a while, I called Himself and told him to turn on channel nine. After trying to determine what kind of ads would show ("Coming up after the break, we add another log. You don't want to miss it!), Himself asked me, "Don't you have a real fireplace there?"

Indeed there is. Not three feet to the right of where the TV is.

I turned momentarily to see which Simpsons episode was on, and when I came back, there were new logs on the fire! Disappointment flooded my veins and, with a string of profanity, I gave up on the fire channel.

But more than likely, I'll tune in again tomorrow. I can't wait to find out what happens to the little log at the front, teetering perilously on the edge of the metal fence.

House on the road!

2005-12-07T01:58:00.000-07:00

I now know when I've officially lost my cool.

It doesn't come in the form of an insane rant.

I don't go postal and start shooting.

It would seem when I just can't take anymore, I crack into hysterics.

In Halifax, after spending the night on a hide-a-bed in a conference room, Tara and I wound up at the call centre in which we were to work for 4 weeks (in a strip mall next to a Dollarama after spending $32 one way on a cab and then finding out no one actually came into work for another five hours). I laughed until tears rolled down my cheeks and Tara looked on in horror, surely wondering how she would tolerate working beside such a freak for a whole month.

Tonight was another classic. Over the last few days, nothing has gone right. My Mom would be quick to tell you it's due to the fact Mercury is in Retrograde, making all sorts of bizarre things happen. But tonight, after - well, let's just say A LOT of stuff over the past week, I started laughing. Hard.

After work, I got in my car to find the fan was not working again. So, no heat. In Canada. In winter. WTF? So, I put on the blue mittens Mom insisted I take with me, bundled up and figured I would brave the trip with the windows open to prevent the windshield from fogging up. It was, after all, only a 15 minute drive.

Only, there was a house in the road. A house that apparently had broken free of the flat bed. Somehow, this ambitious little house had made its way into the opposite lane. In the intersection. Screwing up traffic in, miraculously, all directions.

And so, the 15 minute drive became a 45 minute snail race. I made it past one house on the road to find another one not a few yards away, going 2 km/h in an 80 zone.

It was freaking HILARIOUS! I'm not an advocate of talking on a cell phone while driving (in fact, it's horrible, don't ever do it or may a rain shower of frogs fall on you), but since I was at a dead stop anyhow, I thought I would call... well, a bunch of people.

The word "raving lunatic" came out once, and I spent a while trying to convince a few people that I had actually gone to the gym after work and not a bar as they believed. It was not the house, after all, that was the crazy part. It was how incredibly FUNNY the whole thing was.

Later, I had some Glenlivet and defrosted and decorated Mom's Christmas Tree with her while listening to Bing Crosby, who, as far as I'm concerned, is the quintessential voice of Christmas. (Strangely, if you click the link to Bing above, it comes up with the exact album cover of the CD we were listening to...)

The whiskey and Bing have made me normal again. I realize a house in the road is not funny at all, and neither were the 45 minutes I spent behind it. I should not have been scouring the pavement through the darkness looking for ruby slippers or cracking jokes like "hey buddy, I think you dropped something..." I blame temporary insanity mixed with subzero temperatures. After all, runaway houses are no laughing matter.

Final day of Nano and Tall Tales & Short Stories Books!

2005-11-30T23:40:00.000-07:00

Well, it's all over but the crying. It is 11:40 and I have finished my NaNo 50,000 words. It was very touch and go for a bit there, especially because at the start of day today, I had 13,932 words to write.

I feel as though I have been wandering around in a weird haze for the past week as I scrambled to up my word count. This NaNo has been especially tough for me, since I was out of town without a regular computer until November 20th. That's when the insanity began as I typed like a mad woman, trying to get words out.

And then the heat in my car went out.

Did I mention today was -18?

So I was writing pen-to-paper as I sat at Midas waiting for the guy to tell me it just magically started working again, even though he didn't do anything to it. His magic trick cost me fifty smackaroos, but he was a good guy, so I think I will go back when it happens again.

Probably tomorrow.

And let me tell you, toward the end, it was NOT pretty. This is an actual excerpt from the final 1000 words as I saw the finish line, pretended people were cheering me on, and officially lost feeling in both my brain and my fingertips.

Still, there was no one outside.

Not in front of her door, not in front of her window, not in the grave yard across the gravel back alley that no body but no body ever used, and not no body near the chapel ruins.

Nope, no body. There was no body outside.

“There is no body.”

“Could ye have been hearing things, Linde Love. I hear that happens as ye get older.”

“I was not-“

“Maybe it was pipes,” Scott suggested once again.

“I know the sounds of pipes here, Scott."

“Maybe it was just kids, daring each other to come knock on your door. Did you ever do that at Litivus Manheim’s estate when you were young? I did.”

“Did you take annoying pills today, Scott?”

“What? Me? No, it is our pathetic author, who can not think of any thing better for us to do but sit here and make stupid conversation for the last one thousand words of her national novel writing month challenge.”

“Oh yeah, stupid author.”

“Any how, there is really no one there?"

“Yes, there is really no one there.”

Who said you had to have talent to be a writer?!

But, I am officially a NaNo winner, as evidenced by my little icon below.

And, on a very exciting note, I met with Steve Van Bakel tonight, editor of Tall Tales and Short Stories Volume III, (as well as Volume II and Volume I, of course...) and mastermind behind Tall Tales Press, based right here in chilly Calgary. The books look great, so if you would like one, visit the Tall Tales Press website or email me and I will get you a copy. And if you're a writer, make sure you submit to next year's contest.

Now I am going to ice my knuckles and rest my brain. Congrats to all the other NaNo winners and participants, and remember if you want to battle the post-NaNo blues, click here.

Pain in my fingers

2005-11-27T01:12:00.000-07:00

Well, according to the NaNoWriMo Website, I have 3 days, 22 hours, 47 minutes and 13 seconds to finish my NaNo. Current word count: 26,403. Yup, just over half way. So, I have to pull 5899 words out of somewhere dark and deserted to pull this off. And I'm blogging.

So, if anyone has some magical potion to sprinkle over my head, or someone has cast a curse on me and would be so kind as to remove it for the next three days, it would be appreciated. I need all the help I can get.

Thanks. Appreciate it.

Back to Calgary

2005-11-20T21:49:00.000-07:00

I arrived back in Calgary yesterday and stayed at my Dad's, which is always theraputic, especially for the weary traveller.

Today is my Mom's birthday, and I'm staying at her place tonight. Can you believe she's actually 35? She doesn't look a day over 28.

My Grandpa was in the Herald today! They wrote an article about Ham operators, and there's a big picture of him in his hamshack. I'll upload it as soon as I can because I don't want to have to pay to link to the Herald website after buying 50 copies!

Being back is weird. I'm glad to be home, ecstatic to see my car and excited about going to see Harry Potter last night. I miss my ocean view and going for cigarettes in John's room before bed. I had a lot of fun with John and Sunny, who live in Burnaby, and I will miss them a lot.

Sunny

Tara & John

For those who don't believe my One Night in Dundalk post, I'm including a picture of the Menonite dancing with a beer, and I can't get them to all line up properly, however I believe those of you reading can figure out which one is the Menonite and which is Tara and John.

And with that, I'm going to type, try to increase my NaNo word count, probably ending up just embracing jetlag and passing out after 16 really, really bad words.

By the way, thanks to Col emailing me and telling me how on earth to work the html code, the links on the right hand side work now! Thanks, Colin! Everyone must be sure to check out his way-cool blog.

One night in Dundalk

2005-11-14T12:43:00.000-07:00

This weekend was interesting to say the least. I have to warn everyone - the computer I am on does not give me proper punctuation, because it is set on a French keyboard function. So if it seems like I am having an apostrophe catastrophe, thatès why. SeeÉ!É!

This weekend I took my free flight from the company and flew to Toronto to see my girlfriend, Jenn. On Saturday night we played roadies for an ACDC cover band called Bare Rump. I am not an ACDC fan by any stretch of the imagination, and I thought these guys (and gals) were good.

Dundalk seemed to provide just as much entertainment for us as the band did for them. Interesting to say the least! First, one of every three people had a mullet, women included. I havenèt seen that kind of hair since the 80s! My next surprise though, came when two Menonite men walked in, ordered drinks and started dancing! Soon, the girls with the feathered, back-combed hair were wearing their hats.

Then, while I was outside having a cigarette, the bouncer (quote unquote, but my quotes arent working) frisked me to make sure I wasnt sneaking out alcohol, then bought me two shots of tequilla, showed me the entrance and exit point of his bullet wound from the Gulf War and then demonstrated five ways he could kill me where I stood.

A guy pulled me up to dance. He was wearing a t-shirt with a picture of himself on the front. I immediately sat down.

Later, Jenn went to the ladies and found the guy with the picture of himself on his t-shirt doing something with a woman Blogspot would shut me down for describing.

Deliverance began playing on the television. Im not joking, folks. I have pictures to prove it.

A drunk guy fell on Jenn and knocked her out of her chair.

I slipped outside for another cigarette, and this extremely drunk guy started a conversation with his back to the door. He told me he loves living in Dundalk, and informed me how peaceful it is and how nice everyone is there. As he was telling me this, the bouncer threw - yes, literally THREW a guy through the door, shattering the glass, and then put him in a strangle hold and tackled him to the ground.

Another fight broke out and they shut down the band. Someone stole my beer. The cops were supposedly on their way (surely to investigate said beer theft), but probably got distracted on their way out to Dundalk and never arrived.

We packed up the equipment and were having one final cigarette at 3 am before hitting the road. Beside us a few feet away, a guy fell face-first into the dirt, drunk and unconscious. Of the 10 or so people standing there, no one moved to help him.

He is probably, at this moment, lying in the dirt parking lot.

One night in Dundalk...

Au Revoir!

2005-11-04T17:25:00.000-07:00

Well, it's another fine fall day in Halifax (well, Dartmouth and Lower Sackville, really). The colour of the trees as they change from green to a beautiful maroon is utterly heart-stopping. If only I could climb a tree and stay there instead of going to work...

Things have proved - well, challenging. The saddest part about today, aside from the fact the reps we're here to help clearly don't want us here, is that JP (aka crazy French driver) left to go back to Montreal. It's going to be weird without him, and it was sad saying goodbye. It was a quick goodbye, however, because these French guys believe in arriving at the airport 20 minutes before their flight is set to leave. I received an sms from him saying he made it on with 2 minutes to spare. I would have had a heart attack. Here's JP with a really, really large beer, a mere 45 minutes before his flight.

There are still five of us here, though, and the five remaining are a total blast. Tomorrow another girl, Denise, leaves also, so tonight we're fiesta-ing in her honour. I don't think I've drank this much since I got my fake ID when I was 15... (sorry, Mom! hehe)

Tomorrow, my travelling buddy and I are going to take the sweet blue PT Cruiser to PEI. I can't wait! That is, if we can get our bums out of bed early enough heh heh.

So far so good with NaNo, but tonight I'm not going to get much done, I'm afraid. Linde had a big night last night though, and I think she needs some time to get over her anger with me, so it's probably for the best.

There's a great place here called The Economy Shoe Shop, which is this magical courtyard-type place, but it's all indoors. We are going to go there tonight for a bit before we move on. In case that link doesn't work, here's a pic of The Shoe Shop, too.

Tonight should be fun, if I could only wake up! I'm NaNo exhausted, and it's only day four!

NaNoWriMo begins!

2005-10-31T22:22:00.000-07:00

Well, it's 1:22 am Halifax time and I have just completed my first sitting for the National Novel Writing Month challenge. I came down to the lobby and asked to use the computer at midnight, and it was off to the races. Current word count: 1750 of 50,000. I outlined, thank Petrie, or I would have spent all night sitting here staring at a blank screen. Thinking about just hooking a solid caffeine drip to my vein and rolling around a little bag full of espresso with me everywhere I go.

Halifax is BEAUTIFUL! I took the ferry across from Dartmouth to Halifax on Saturday (my only day off so far) and spent 4 hours wandering around the docks. Found this incredible place called Rum Runners - the story is fascinating! I love waking up each morning, opening the blinds in my hotel room and seeing the ocean. However, there is an island, which I'm apparently not allowed to go to, called George's Island. All the old cannons from the war are still there, and since, I'm not allowed to go, I just HAVE TO. So, I spent a bit of that 4 hours wandering around the harbourfront, talking to seataxi guys and local fishermen, trying to negotiate a ride over. Since the season is winding down apparently most people have packed it in for the year, but one guy told me to come earlier next weekend (I didn't get up until 1 pm on Saturday....) and he would give me a ride over. Woohoo!

That's it for me tonight - I'm totally knackered and must be down to meet the Frenchmen at 8:17 am sharp! No, really. 8:17 am.

Juler comme un canard... or something

2005-10-25T07:48:00.000-06:00

I'm loving this mobile blog thing! I'm currently in a car, in Dartmouth, being driven, by a Frenchman to Lower Sackville where we're working. It has been quite an adventure since we flew into Halifax from Montreal on Saturday, including such debacles as sleeping on a hide-a-bed in a conference room (Sunday), getting caught in post-hurricane Wilma, phase one (Sunday) and arriving at work yesteday to find no one else there (they scheduled us for 8 am, but no one else comes in until 11). Today's adventure (so far) has been in the guise of breakfast with co-workers from Montreal. Anyone familiar with the home of the Habs knows Montreal drivers are insane, and these guys are no exception.
Green means pound on the gas pedal and cut someone off. Red means stomp on the brake and curse en Francais. Today's driver (yes, I've had many more than one...) is not used to stopping for pedestrians, and has almost run down two, one in full military uniform. Great folks though, and I'm brushing up on my French. It's rainy and cold today and I am juler comme un canard, but everywhere I look, I see ocean. This weekend, if post-Wilma doesn't carry me out to sea, I may go explore the harbour. That is, IF I make it to work. Right now, as it stands, je ne sais pas.

Tag, I'm it...

2005-10-21T08:12:00.000-06:00

Okay, I was tagged by Michelle, however my sentence is not nearly as cool as hers, but very Canadian. Here's the rules:

1. Delve into your blog archives.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions. Ponder it for meaning, subtext or hidden agendas.
5. Tag five people to do the show.

Okay, I haven't been blogging that long, so my most recent blog was the one I had to go with, and I wrote it on my Palm Treo when I was supposed to be paying attention in class. Here it is... the grand 5th sentence:

"Get this!"

See, Michelle! It is lame! Okay, I'm going to attempt to un-lame-ify it here.

When I wrote it, I was mentioning that Tim Hortons here in Quebec has breakfast. But I think the reason I wrote it as a demand rather than a "Hey, did you know..." sort of thing is because I often feel as though when I'm talking, people don't listen, and more often than not, I'm interupted. It's not such a bad thing, because I'm not a stunning linguist - I'm a writer, not a speaker. But I think when I do speak, I have to do it quickly and forcefully, both to command attention and prevent being interupted (I'm also told I speak very quickly, presumably for the same reason...) and since I blog like I'm having a conversation where everyone is mute (secretly delightful...) I create short, choppy sentences to *hopefully* keep the listener (reader)'s attention.

How's that for pondering meaning and subtext? hehe...

Okay, TAG!
Voodoo's Room
Devon Ellington
Colin Galbraith
and since I don't know many others who blog, I'm also going to tag readers:
Ajay and...
Heather Hughes
to pick either a reply to one of my previous blogs, chose a sentence and do the same, or write the first sentence that comes to mind, and ponder for meaning and subtext!

Palm Posting

2005-10-21T07:21:00.000-06:00

Salut, tout le monde! Je suis en La Belle Province, en Montreal! The sun finally made an appearance yesterday to show the beautiful city and - Hurrah! the Tim Hortons across the street. Thanks to Mom's sneakily-packed gift certificates, my stomach is full with an XL double double and an everything bagel with herb garlic cream cheese. Get this! Tim Hortons has breakfast - toast & jam and toast & beans!

Today per diem should arrive so I'm going to buy some shoes (hurrah!) and a sweet winter jacket. Tomorrow I fly off to Halifax, where I'm staying on the ocean. I'm loving this Palm - yes, I'm typing on it right now, so if this works, this thing is incredible! Hung out with Linde and Scott last night between phone calls home. This week I had one challenge this week getting the Mending Resolute issues out, but otherwise it's been smooth sailing! have a great weekend, everyone, and si tu sais beaucoup des mots mal en Francais, post them in comments below, S.V.P hehe! I'm eager to know more...

Superhero name

2005-10-15T21:45:00.000-06:00

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Arch Shield
Your Superpower is Cursing
Your Weakness is Stuttering
Your Weapon is Your Particle Torpedoes
Your Mode of Transportation is Flying Saucer

What's your Superhero Name?

Well, it's right about my superpower! I'm swearing like a sailor these days! If you get your superhero name, copy it and post it in the comments below!

Flames vs Dallas

2005-10-14T10:01:00.000-06:00

Well, the Flames lost last night in the home opener, but it ain't so bad for a couple of reasons. First, it didn't go to a shoot out. They lost good and proper in the 4th minute of OT, the way God and Lord Stanley intended. I say take the time spent on the shoot out, and put it to another five or ten minutes of 4 on 4! But hey, really... who's gonna listen to this little girl in Canada who's 6th in her pool. The second reason is because Modano got me a bunch of points, to make sure I wasn't in DEAD LAST in the pool. I'm only behind my sister's boyfriend by 8 points, and if Sakic would score a few and little Matty Stajan get some assists, I'll be past him in no time! Yeah, that's right! I said it!

I was really surprised in the difference between the headlines of The Sun and The Herald when Himself and I went out this morning to get breakfast from The Great Canadian Bagel on the corner. The Herald's headline read "Flames' overtime loss can't dampen fans' spirit" whereas The Sun, in traditional pessimistic form, read, "Party Crashers! Visiting Stars spoil banner night." 'nuff said.

In fish tank news, the sole survivor of the tank conditioning, a small yet determined feeder fish I liked to call "Squiggy" (but only in my head) has disappeared. Investigators assume Squiggy has endured the same fate of some of his earlier tank mates, namely, falling to the filter's entrancing buzzing and getting sucked into a carbon-based grave.

Now all that's left in my 25 gallon fish tank is one seriously pissed of plecostomus - after all, no other fish means no algae, which means no food. Okay, he's not a real plecostomus, more like a Siamese algae eater, which is funny, because now my only two fish are Bruce Lee, the Siamese Fighting Fish, and Pissy Placo, the Siamese algae eater. I bet if I put them in the tank together, in a few short hours they would have invaded Laos and hatched a plot to kill the bastard who changed Siam's name to Thailand!

Squiggy liked to put his face in the top right corner of the tank and sleep. He also liked playing in the filter bubbles, and in his spare time enjoyed swimming through the plastic sunken ship and making faces at the Moai in the tank. Donations in Squiggy's memory can be made here.

Why is it every time I pick up a copy of Dose the front page is dedicated to debunking outlanding claims about the bird flu?! I guess an obsession has hatched! WAHAHA! HAHAHA! I'll be here all night, remember to tip your waitress and try the chicken! HAHAHA ouch! That tomato hit me in the eye!

The heartwarming and the headwarming

2005-10-10T10:55:00.000-06:00

Saturday was 20x the points day at Shoppers. I counted down to the day - this wasn't just any 20x the points day - it was THE day. I was only 3800 points away from my $75 shopping spree, and this points day would put me over.

I had one item in mind - I've been visiting for the last six months: Eternity Summer, and if I could put a little sample smell in this blog so when you click, it blows out the scent, I would. You would love it as much as I do.

Points were scarce this summer, however, and I simply couldn't justify buying an $89 bottle of perfume when there were so many other things needed. But if I got it for $14, that's much different.

The cosmetics girl has been really great with my montly visits. We've laughed - we've cried (I got my finger stuck in the handle of the plastic bag and it REALLY hurt!)... once I forgot my debit card on the counter and she ran into the parking lot after me to return it. Yes, she's nice and fun, but she's actually, in secret, an angel.

On Saturday, I filled my basket until it was overflowing. Yet, as I stood at the counter, awaiting my turn nto pay, I searched for my beloved scent and could not find it!

Someone once warned me about this - a tall, extremely thin cosmetics chick at a different Shoppers. "You know," she snapped, her perfect make-up sitting so perfectly on her perfect nose, "You should buy it now - it's a limited time scent. It's only around for the summer." I squirmed, trying to get away from her. I'm sure tall thin woman spends $89 just on a tube of lipstick, but me - well, I can't justify that when children are starving in - well, wherever they're starving.

But tall thin woman had been right! I was too late! My perfume was GONE!

The nice cosmetician did not recognize me when I walked in... I got my hair cut this weekend so it's pretty different, and she had not seen my new glasses. Timidly, I placed down my basket, struggling to keep the tissue boxes within the confines of the red plastic, and asked, "is it gone? The Eternity Summer?"

"Yes," the nice cosmetician told me. "They recalled it last month." Then, a look of recognition came over her face and she cried, "I'm so glad you came back! I didn't have your name or anything, but I put one aside for you!"

I wanted to rush around the counter and hug her. Her name, I finally found out, is Lisa, and her shift ended in 20 minutes. Had I come in a little later, I would have missed her, missed my perfume and been Eternally bummed out. When I told Himself it was one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for me, he said, "Wow, people don't do that many nice things for you, eh?" I smacked him in the arm.

So Lisa the cosmetician at Shoppers is my new hero, and I even sprayed a bit of perfume on last night before bed so I could smell it all night and have pleasant dreams. Friends, I am in love. (With the perfume, of course. Oh! And Himself too! Woo, that could have been disasterous.)

There is a secret in our apartment complex - a secret no one talks about, but everyone seems to know. The dryer is broken, and it remains on "dry" forever. Providing no one plugs money into the machine, it continues to dry without stopping. So, for a mere $4.50, I did three loads of laundry last night - but paid a severe price for my dishonesty.

See, without the dryer turning off, someone who, say, forgets they put laundry in the dryer in the first place, the clothes continue to dry. For hours. For four hours.

I gasped when I remembered. What would become of my clothes?

Barbie-sized shirts, let me tell you, and static unlike anything the world has seen. I'm now a human electric current, and I can't get my hair to settle down. That was not my punishment, however. That was just the result of me being stupid, which is nothing new.

I unloaded the extremely-static-y laundry from the dryer, and put it atop one of the washing machines while I re-loaded that same dryer (in order to get the free drying). My mound of electrically-charged clothing toppled over while my back was turned, and my little stripey underwear tumbled to the ground.

Through the inch-wide crack between the washing machine and the wall.

This room is a two-stepping room - it takes two steps to walk through it. So, head on the door knob, I reached between the crack. I could feel the material, but could not pinch it enough to pull my stripey underwear to safety. Just a bit further - a bit more - a bit more - and, I'm stuck.

Yep, stuck with my arm between the wall of the laundry room and a 500 pound washing machine, reaching for a pair of underwear I really should deny owning in the first place, with my head resting on the door knob. If one other person - just ONE in a building full of tennants, also decided it was time to do laundry, that would be the end of me.

For fifteen minutes I crouched there, praying no one opened the door, trying to push the washing machine even just a little so I could retract my arm. Turned out in addition to being a ridiculous idiot, I also have superpowers. After many tries, I was able to rock the washing machine just enough to free my forearm. No one came in, thank God, but the heat in that room was stifling! I needed a shot of whiskey when I returned to the apartment just to clear the dryer fluff from my nose and throat.

But I did, however, return with my stripey underwear.

Happy Thanksgiving, Canucks!

2005-10-09T12:21:00.000-06:00

Well, it's Thanksgiving weekend here in Canada, and my list of things I'm thankful for begins with the Knefla and Sauerkraut feast Mom made us last night. Knefla is German dish that defies explanation. Just imagine the best thing you've EVER tasted, times that by five hundred, and you've got knefla.

The best part of knefla is that Mom usually makes extra, so I get to eat it for a week and a half after. Although I was so stuffed last night I could hardly move, I woke up at 12:30 am craving more.

Not only that, but Mom's also making a turkey tomorrow! Mmmm turkey. How am I so lucky, you ask? Don't know. Maybe the Karma from tipping barristas (and that nice little man at Mr. Sub) is finally coming back to me.

I've realized some problems with the Mending Resolute site. Namely, Firefox presents HTML code rather than the graphics, and I suspect this is happening on Linux systems also. What do I intend to do about this? Damned if I know. But if this happens to you, please email me.

I WILL, however, get the rest of the bugs worked out this weekend. Thanks to those who are thinking about being my guinea pigs for the PayPal link. I appreciate the thought! We (and by we, I mean me) officially launch on October 11th, so those who are thinking about it, please do it now. You'll get the discount off future issues. Plus, I'm offering up Karma also. If you volunteer to subscribe and test out my PayPal link on your computer, you too could get two Thanksgiving dinners! (Americans, you still have time to get Karma Credit for this year's feast!)

I splurged yesterday and bought three CD's. This is UNHEARD of for me, but to my credit, I did even it out with a bit of early Christmas shopping. I bought the OLD Jack Johnson (On and On, playing right now on my computer speakers), the new Foo Fighters (Mom replied, "What's a Foo Fighter? hehe I laughed so hard I almost threw up. She's so cute) and took a chance on a Canadian band from Victoria, called The Armchair Cynics. I'm REALLY enjoying this album - sort of Matt Good meets Nickelback. I highly recommend checking it out - it will be the newest edition to my Linde Riley soundtrack.

Now that everyone who must be informed has been informed, I can tell the rest of the world. I've been chosen to go on a work trip for five weeks. The first week will definitely be in Montreal. From there I will either remain in Montreal, go to St. John, New Brunswick, or Pembrook, Ontario. I'm happy going to any of the three. Here's the challenge: It's NaNo month! So, either I have to find a laptop or a Palm Pilot by next week, or I'll be doing pen-to-paper and typing like mad for the last 10 days of the challenge. Either way, it's going to be great! I'm using the NaNo challenge to complete Mending Resolute - Book 2.

By the way, I'm offering anyone else doing the NaNo a special deal on Mending Resolute - click the NaNo Participants link on the homepage for more info.

All right, I've had it. I can't take it anymore. I'm going to attack that Knefla and eat it for breakfast.

I'm currently reading:

Read it? Comment below!

Birthday Calculator

2005-10-07T09:38:00.000-06:00

I just wanted to share this, because I thought it was really cool.

Check out the site at http://www.paulsadowski.com/birthday.asp

HERE ARE MY RESULTS:

You entered: 10/22/1979
Your date of conception was on or about 29 January 1979.
You were born on a Mondayunder the astrological sign Libra.
Your Life path number is 4.
The Julian calendar date of your birth is 2444168.5.
The golden number for 1979 is 4.
The epact number for 1979 is 2.
The year 1979 was not a leap year.
As of 10/7/2005 11:30:44 AM CDTYou are 25 years old.
You are 312 months old.
You are 1,354 weeks old.
You are 9,482 days old.
You are 227,579 hours old.
You are 13,654,770 minutes old.
You are 819,286,244 seconds old.

There are 15 days till your next birthday on which your cake will have 26 candles on it.
Those 26 candles produce 26 BTU's,or 6,552 calories of heat (that's only 6.5520 food Calories!) .You can boil 2.97 US ounces of water with that many candles.

In 1979 there were approximately 3.1 million births in the US.In 1979 the US population was approximately 203,302,031 people, 57.4 persons per square mile.In 1979 in the US there were approximately 2,152,662 marriages (10.1%) and 1,036,000 divorces (4.9%)In 1979 in the US there were approximately 1,921,000 deaths (9.5 per 1000)

Your birthstone is Tourmaline The Mystical properties of Tourmaline
Pink Tourmaline promotes female balance and protection. Green Toumaline promotes male balance.Some lists consider these stones to be your birthstone. (Birthstone lists come from Jewelers, Tibet, Ayurvedic Indian medicine, and other sources)
Opal, Jasper

Your birth tree is Maple, Independence of Mind
No ordinary person, full imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-respect, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, many complexes, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.There are 79 days till Christmas 2005!The moon's phase on the day you wereborn was waxing crescent.

Ready to Roll

2005-10-06T02:26:00.000-06:00

Sweet! It's 2:26 am and I've just stepped out of a long, hot shower - much deserved after finishing the Mending Resolute website. Okay, okay, it's not FINISHED finished - John and I are still working on the animation - actually, we haven't really started yet, however the majority of it is up. Some of my fonts aren't working, so if all you see is Times New Roman, please keep checking - it's all going to be kick ass soon. If you have a sweet computer like mine, you're probably enjoying these way-cool graphics right now.

PayPal is up and running on the site also.

I think.

Anyone feel like being a guinea pig? (Not literally, silly, just to test out the payment procedure! Geeze, I wouldn't actually turn you into some hairy rodent...)

Okay, let me sweeten the pot! Since the actual subscriptions won't begin until Monday, October 17th, the first 5 people to subscribe (thereby letting me know if it works) will receive their next subscription free. ie: If you chose 10 issues for $4.95 (CAD, of course) you'll get the next ten for nothing.

If you go for 20 issues for $8.95, you'll receive your next twenty for nothing. And on and on. You get the drift. So go now! It's www.mendingresolute.com. Click the clock (with the scrolling "click above to visit Resolute" underneath), check out the first issue, and at the bottom is a "Get Resolute" link. After that, it's all pretty self-explanatory.

Yes, you may actually run into problems. No really, I haven't tried it out yet. Ideally, you should be sent to PayPal after filling in your information. Now I will sit here, twiddling my thumbs until someone tries it out. And I'm seriously tired. I may pass out here, waiting, but that's what being a writer is all about - passing out on your keyboard, right? Although usually me passing out on the keyboard involves a little more wine than consumed post-blog this evening, but that's another story for another blog. Or you can just read the very first blog, and it will all make sense.

Anyhow, today the NaNo site resumed! (Just to fill non-NaNoers in, we impatient writers crashed the site on October 1st because we all pounced at once, anticipating new t-shirt designs...) So I'm all signed up, and I'm dedicating my NaNo challenge this year to - what else? Mending Resolute. Himself insists he's going to do it this year, but I think he's full of @$%#.

Yeah, that's right, I said that!

I would also like to take a moment to thank Jenn Rausch. She is my friend, and, ironically, the very same person who cut me off in traffic today as I innocently drove from serving meals at the homeless shelter to the home of the 103-year-old armless woman I feed lunch to each day. I almost rear-ended her, but fortunately my cat-like reflexes prevented disaster! I'm thinking about taking another route from now on so Jenn Rausch doesn't try to run me off the road again. Although we are even now. A few months ago, the question in the Dose forum asked which superheroes were Calgarian's favourites. Between Himself, Mom and Jenn Raush, Linde Riley was the most talked about person in that forum! Jenn had numerous personalities that night, the best being Hugh G. Recshion.

Should have warned you this was not going to be a PG-13 blog, but life with Jenn Rausch is never PG-13, I assure you.

So, go to the Mending Resolute site and get free issues!

Hockey Pool

2005-10-02T16:05:00.000-06:00

Yesterday we did the draft for the hockey pool. Although everyone here was making fun of my picks, I think my team is going to get me the money. And if not, there's always the prize for coming in dead last. Heh heh. Actually, I could win it. But no! I have faith! Here's my line up, complete with pics for Michelle!

Yzerman
Vyborny
Tkachuk
Sakic
Redden
Morrison
Mogilny
Modano
Leetch
Gagne
Donovan

and finally....

Little Matty Stajan. He's so cute! Okay, I know he might not be scoring the most goals this year, but I have faith in him. Plus, it gives me yet another excuse to cheer for him.

The preparations for my new Mending Resolute endeavour are going well. Thank lulala that Formsite and Paypal have hooked up. The Paypal stuff was fairly easy, but I was really having trouble adding the cells where people enter their information. So, I logged onto Formsite just to get some ideas and low and behold! They are going to save my bum. So, we (and by we, I mean me) are launching October 11th at the latest. I am taking pre-subscriptions at the moment, so if you have intentions of subscribing, either send me an email or pop by the First Issue Free page to find out how to get some freebies when we (Again, by "we", I mean me) launch.

I just watched a documentary about a woman who had a 160 pound tumor. Woah. I don't think I'll be eating for a while, but what an incredible story.

That's it - nothing else interesting happening, and I won't bore you with the details of how I went to M&M today and found out I'm half-way to getting a free turkey this Christmas.

So long, KIC

2005-09-30T10:51:00.000-06:00

Phew! Yesterday I made a bit of a big decision. I let it roll around like rocks in my head yesterday, and found, as my research went on, that I became more and more excited.

First off, I would llike to apoligize to my subscribers. The current KIC situation should have been resolved by now, but recent communication has expressed it will be at least November 1st, AT LEAST before it gets up and running again.

My contract with KIC is up on October 11th. As KIC is currently unoperational, I could pull Mending Resolute right now, but I can use the time to get organized. As most people know, I deeply believe in Linde's story. Most times, I don't even feel like I'm creating it, more like she's whispering it in my ear and I'm typing as fast as I can to keep up. So, I think I'm going to continue in the serialized format until the story is complete, and I will do it on my own, running it off my website.

The Google Advertising has been going very well - I have had 140 clicks in a week, and most are reading the free issue. Of course, at this point, I can't tell if anyone has sent up a future subscription, but, like many other KIC authors, I will be demanding a list of my subscribers. If you subscribe to Mending Resolute, or have recently (since mid-August) requested a subscription, please email me at mendingresolute@yahoo.ca. If possible, please include the number of the last issue you received. If you've been meaning to subscribe and haven't, again, please email me rather than going through the KIC site.

I'm going to change things a bit. A lot of my readers have told me it's hard to keep up with the intensity when issues are only received twice per week. So, with the new plan, subscribers will receive an issue every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

Subscribers will not pay by the month, but by a cluster of issues. For example, issue 1-20 will be $5 CAD (you lucky Americans! hehe). But here's the truly exciting part.

As many of you know, my friend John is a graphics genious and is helping me with my site. He's currently building - yes, building building one-nineteen (wow, that's a lot of buildings... hehe). Mending Resolute is going to be fully interactive. Subscribers will receive basically four elements with their subscription:

1) The story

2) A weekly subscription to The Resolute Reader (the local Resolute newspaper) which will include Resolute news, a Lifestyle section, classifieds and comics

3) Keys. Every once in a while, a key will go out to subscribers, unlocking another part of the mystery. The "key" will allow the reader into another part of the site.

4) Trivia answers. When up and running fully, not everyone will be able to access every part of the site. Obviously, as the story goes on, there are plot developments that would be spoiled for the reader if exposed on the site. With your subscription, you will also receive the answers to trivia questions, which will again unlock another section of the site that wasn't accessible previously.

If you've checked out the website, you know Mending Resolute has a whole new look, and this will also reflect in the format of the issues.

Sounds like fun, eh? I will be running a pre-launch, early bird-type promo, so if you already know you want to subscribe, please email me. Again, my devoted readers, please email me as well. Want a free issue? I'll email it to you until I get the "Read a Free Issue" section going on the site, which is my second priority here.

So, there it is. Am I insane?

Pimp Name

2005-09-30T10:47:00.000-06:00

Ha! This was so hilarious I had to put it up. Click below to generate yours and post it in the comments!

Your Pimp Name Is...

Daisy Glider

What's" Your Pimp Name?

The Life of Pie

2005-09-28T10:24:00.000-06:00

After a catastrophe of Resolute proportions yesterday, I finally got my website up and running. I've found I tend to think I can do anything, and without bothering to read instructions, I plunge right in (I swear, I'm not a boy). This was the case yesterday with my site.

I have been working on the new mendingresolute.com look for quite a while now, and yesterday I awoke, excited to put even just a teeny part of it up for the world to see. Only, within three clicks, there was nothing left! I quite literally found myself, between yesterday and today, Mending my Resolute homepage. Thankfully, Rick raced to my rescue, and between his help, and the emailed assistance of writer extraordinaire, Michelle Miles, I was able to get things up and running. You really should stop by and check it out. My friend John, who is a genious with computers, is helping me with the animation for the site, and vows to make all my crazy ideas come to life. And he will. Like I said, he's a genious! I can't wait until it's finished - it's going to be so cool!

Speaking of cool, I just subscribed to The Daughters of Freya. Sharon Wildwind told me about it at Word on the Street last weekend, and after receiving three emails, I found myself intrigued. My subscription should start today, and I guess the mystery unravels through emails from the characters to other characters, emailed 4-5 times per day over three weeks. Should be fun!

Today the sky is blue, like a painting by that guy on chanel thirteen at 1:45 pm. You know the one I'm talking about - he always adds "Happy Little Trees" on the landscape. Doesn't ring a bell? Man! You didn't fake enough sickies to get out of going to school! Brandy should relate...

On Monday night, I vowed to go to the gym. I do this once a month, like clockwork - the "Oh, I feel so gross blah blah blah" thing, which leaves me tearing toward the gym, swearing off carbohydrates and pumpkin seeds forever. (Four to six days later, I deflate and feel so thin I think I could be used as one of those mining kids, shoved into the tiny crevises too big for the burly miners to fit through... if they actually use small children for that stuff... maybe I've been watching too many of those "A Piece of our History" commercials.)

Anyhow, I was on the bike, having decided to combine some enjoyable reading with my light, enjoyable workout. ("I swear, I'm going to do this three times per week, combined with my yoga, this time for sure! I'm resolving to - ooh, is that a Cheeto on the floor? Who the hell eats Cheetos at the gym!") As those who read my earlier blogs know, I'm currently reading The Life of Pi. Having just come off The Rule of Four (I'm not even going to link it - you really don't want to waste your time even checking out the cover. Don't be fooled!) I was expecting enraging boredom. I was shocked to find how compelling this prize winning book is!

Only, I came to a part in the book where he is out of food. In the middle of the Pacific. With a man-eating Tiger. Pi is fantasizing about mountains of curry and waterfalls of chutney (that's not a direct quote, so I apoligize to Yann, but you get the drift. HA! Drift! Get it? Little boy in lifeboat... drift... ROFL! I'm just too funny to go to work today! Okay, please stop throwing things at me....) ANYHOW. He's fantasizing about these creeks of dhal soup and ice cream hurricanes and such, and I'm rounding my 35th minute on this bike. Having not eaten since five. (It was almost ten pm...) Suddenly, a mighty roar, and not from the tiger between the pages of the book!

I got off the bike, changed and went to the car. Man, was I hungry! I had a small stash of trail mix in the glove compartment, so I pulled it out and began munching as I started driving home. Suddenly, all the trail mix was GONE! I put the bag to my lips and tipped the bottom, hoping to find - oh I don't know, perhaps another bag of them hiding inside?! Who knows. Regardless my intensions, I only received crumbs (one of which fell into my eye, and I almost drove off the road).

I thought of Pi, stranded in the middle of the ocean. And then I thought of Pie, sitting in my fridge at home. I drooled on my shirt.

But home was so far away! I had to have more of that cursed trail mix! Shoppers was open until midnight, thank Peper, and I raced toward it. No really. I never speed and I was speeding - all for the sake of trail mix.

Ten minutes later I emerged, having dropped my lime diet Pepsi on the floor of the store in my haste. Once inside the car, I tore the trail mix open - Sierra mix. Then, with my other hand, I tore the second bag open. Fruit mix. With a third hand I was not aware I had until that moment, I tore open a bag of Werthers Chocolates. I was desperate! Ravenous! I felt, after this moment, I would never taste sweet food again! (Except when I came to the dried apricots, which I threw out the window. Merry Christmas, squirrels, if you can turn off your gag reflex for long enough to swallow them, that is!)

I got home and continued my binge. I had not binged like this since I realized Crescent Heights High School did not have a cheerleading team, and I was starving myself for nothing! Himself watched me with fear in his eyes, as though wondering if an gooey alien was about to burst through my stomach.

When I had my fill of trail mixes and hazelnut chocolates, I rose from the floor (yes, really, I was on the floor) and dashed for the fridge. Pie was still my intended target.

I opened the fridge door and gasped. The pie was gone! Himself had eaten it! Both the apple AND what was left of the pumpkin! And just like that, staring into the (sadly empty) fridge, the spell I was under faded, and I realized how insane I was acting. And just at that very second, my stomach roared, only, this time, it was not from hunger.

I slept only a few hours that night thanks to my rumbling, discontent stomach- my punishment for such ridiculous food consumption. I've decided not to read The Life of Pi at the gym anymore - unless, of course, I've had a good meal before hand.

Take a hike!

2005-09-25T22:30:00.000-06:00

Went down to Word on the Street today. There weren't as many exhibitors as last year it seemed, but it was still great, and I had fun meeting all sorts of other writers, my favourites being the ladies with the Crime Writers of Canada. What a riot! They have this cookbook called Dishes to Die For... Again (volume II) which I'm thinking will be great for stocking stuffers this year. Sorry to all those who will find it under the tree this year - I'm officially ruining the surprise! hehe. I especially enjoyed meeting Sharon Wildwind, the author of Some Welcome Home. I'm thinking about joining the Crime Writers of Canada, and they said Mending Resolute would fit in well - or, I guess I would, for writing it.

The highlight was, of course, seeing the prototype for Tall Tales and Short Stories Volume III. I'm on the back! Hurrah! For those who don't know the story, here goes:

Last year, my short story, Life As She Knew It, won honourable mention in the second annual Tall Tales and Short Stories contest, published in Tall Tales and Short Stories Volume II. Life as She Knew It is about a girl named Havva, who finds out from a gorgeous stranger she is nothing more than a character in a book - a character doomed to death. Thanks, of course, to everyone who attended the book signing at McNalley Robinson, not only supporting me, but also Tall Tales Press.

This year, my new story, Love Potion, won fourth place. Love Potion tells the tale of a broken hearted girl, whose life will forever be changed just by swallowing a simple love potion. Check out the bookstore at Tall Tales Press to read a teeny little blurb and check out what other cool stories are set within the pages of the new anthology. It's not available yet, but the anticipation of the lauch is mounting...

I went for a short hike today with my Uncle Rick, Aunt Nancy, my cousin Tara and Himself. Adding that to the arm-yoga workout I did the other day, and then the swing escapade yesterday, I'm in rough shape. Just a not-so-gentle reminder that I'm just not 18 anymore. *sigh*

Back to work tomorrow - harsh reality. I count down the days until my holidays, and am looking forward to the Nanowrimo challenge this year. October 1st the store opens - I'm in desperate need of a new t-shirt.

Crazy Driver and Nausea

2005-09-24T19:27:00.000-06:00

You'd never guess by reading the title of this Saturday blog, but today has been one of the most perfect days ever. The sun was shining, the weather sweet. Himself and I went for a nice lunch and I had a MASSIVE salad. We found Homocide season 3 for super-cheap. I was able to fit my hair into a ponytail (sorta). I sat on a swing for 45 minutes. My arms ache from yesterday's yoga.

So where does the crazy driver come in? Right between the Massive salad and Homocide. No, the driver did not commit Homocide - I meant... er... finding it on... DVD...

Anyhow, so Himself and I were walking from the place we were illegally parked to the video store. We came up to the corner started to cross, and then heard a crash. I looked back, and a guy in a Mazda Protege had rear-ended a Harley with 2 passengers, the male driver and a female passenger. The Harley tipped and the man fell off, and sort of rolled to the side. The female though, was not so quick. Believe it or not, the driver of the Mazda gunned it! He pushed the Harley, and the woman caught under said Harley, along the ground a few feet, then jumped the curb and started driving on the sidewalk! Himself and I had to run to get out of the way! So they managed to catch the guy, and I called 911 and we stuck around to give our statements etc.

After dropping Himself off at work, I went for a walk through my new neighborhood with D, my new Ipod. I came across this wooded area, and decided to go into the forest. I went up a hill and then turned, and suddenly the sky went dark and the wind kicked up and a mighty chill went up the back of my neck (which may have just been because I had my hair up in a ponytail, which I haven't been able to do until today...). I kept walking, though frightened. It was the kind of place any writer worth a lick of their reader's time would imagine finding a dead body - perhaps legs sticking out from under a bush...

And then I found it. I turned a corner and there, hanging from a tree, blowing in the eerie fall wind, was yellow tape, with black writing that read, "Police line, do not cross." So, I turned and ran, realizing as I descended the hill that it was quite a bit steeper, and I was quite a bit more out of shape, than I first realized.

An hour later (okay, ten minutes, really) I was back on horizontal ground. I stopped at the park, where D and I swang for about 45 minutes. I watched leaves fall, couples walk by, hand-in-hand, and joggers - well, jog. Strangely, even in today's day in age where Tom Green earns a living off the bizarre things he does, people still gave me weird looks as they walked by - all except the foreign woman who stopped to ask me directions. I guess I seemed the most unthreatening element there - a blond girl with a ponytail swinging on a swingset... yeah, I can see it. She went on to argue with her husband about whether my directions were correct (it was she and I verses him, of course. She and I were right...) and I went on swinging.

At my highest, I felt I could jump from the swing to the lush, thick grass, like kids do before they realize bones can shatter. I was tempted, many times, to do it, but didn't. I was afraid of hurting D. As I swung, vowing on the next forward swing I would jump, I realized I have never jumped from a swing. Even when I was little, I always was afraid I might get hurt. Now that I'm older, I know I would get hurt. But I also know the pain would be worth the few seconds of unassisted flight.

I kept pumping my legs, enjoying the music and the autumn wind, laughing inside at the 'normal' couples walking by - the girls peering down their perfect, blemish-free noses at me, their male counterparts looking on longingly, like they wanted to come play also. I didn't care - I can't understand those people anymore. I am a writer.

And then I realized that being a writer is the excuse for all crazy things. "Look at that grown woman acting like a five-year-old." "That's Leigh. She's a writer." "Oh, in that case, never mind." It's the perfect excuse, as though someone stamped "Insane" on my forehead and now I can run around naked in broad daylight. I mean, if you're clinically crazy, why not do all those things? Those same people will enjoy reading the words squeezed from that experience, and not think twice. After all, I'm a writer. Just by chosing it as my career makes me, compared to the rest of society, a little weird.

I was fine while I was ON the swing - it was when I got off the trouble began. And so, nauseas from motion sickness and my bum hurting from the hard, blue rubber swing, I limped home.

And now, to the Wolf Blass...

Simone Byline interviews Dane Fortune

2005-09-18T13:16:00.000-06:00

Below, Simone Byline, reporter for the Resolute Reader, interviews hitman Dane Fortune. This much-anticipated and exclusive interview was originally posted on author Michelle Miles' blog, Ye Olde Inkwell. I am re-posting it here for Mending Resolute readers. Enjoy!

I’m here with Dane Fortune, hit man, time traveler and all around hot and sexy guy. He’s blushing even as I say this, though his rosy cheeks don’t sway his grisly, manly appearance. Dane Fortune and his time traveling partner, Skye Ransom, dropped into Resolute (literally) earlier this week and were a great help to the city in remedying a rogue-super hero problem we had. Thank you, Dane, for agreeing to this interview, and for helping save our humble little city. You smell fantastic.

[Dane chuckles as he deeply drags his cigarette.]

Thank you, Ms. Byline, for giving me a smoke. I’ve been dying for one of these.

Simone: How long has it been since you had a cigarette, Dane?

Dane: Too damn long. We popped up in some rural desert weird-ass place with some creepy monsters and I managed to wrangle one from the local sheriff. Nice guy.

Simone: You were originally sent to kill Skye Ransom. She evaded you and now the two of you are traveling through time. How do you feel about constantly being so far away from home?

Dane: [takes a long drag] Well, it doesn’t really bother me much. I adapt well to change. Skye, however, can become a raving lunatic at times, so I have to keep her in check. I didn’t have much of a life before, so I don’t miss it.

Simone: I get the feeling you’re a bit smitten with your Adventures of Ransom and Fortune counterpart, Skye Ransom, the very woman you were sent to kill. Am I right?

Dane: [chuckles and blows out a plume of smoke] Skye and I have an…interesting relationship. A bit on the love-hate side. She’s a smart-ass and she likes to boss me around.

Simone: You didn’t answer the question.

Dane: [gives a cocky grin, showing deep dimples] No. I didn’t.

Simone: How do you think she feels about you? I mean, after all, you did murder her parents. Do you think she can ever get past that?

Dane: [his expression turns serious] I know how she feels about me, but she’s too damned high and mighty to admit it. I’ve told her more than once that she can trust me. [drops his voice and leans closer] And I’ll let you in on a little secret. I never intended to kill her. [sits back in his chair and inhales] Yeah, I think she can get past it, if she’ll let herself. [glances to Skye who’s sitting several feet away] I saw that!

Simone: Well, if she doesn’t, I’m more than willing to take her place! [Dane laughs as he exhales grey smoke.] Why don’t you tell us a bit about your childhood. If you had to sum it up in a word, what would that word be?

Dane: It was good. My uncle had a ranch in Wyoming and I’d work the summers with him. Good times.

Simone: Your creator, Michelle Miles, sends you to all sorts of crazy locations throughout time. Do you suspect she’ll ever really bring you home, and if so, when?

Dane: She’d damn well better and soon. I do have a life to return to. I suspect it won’t be without great personal loss, though, and that concerns me.

Simone: Does that life include your partner in crime, Ms. Ransom?

Dane: [looking at her thoughtfully] That remains to be seen.

Simone: If you could say one thing to Ms. Miles, what would you say?

Dane: [Takes long drag of his smoke, then chuckles] If she’s half as bossy as Skye, then I feel sorry for her poor husband.

Simone: I did some digging and found out you used to live under a different name and had a different life. Do you ever wish you could return to that life?

Dane: Never. That man died years ago.

Simone: So, if you and I were out and I was buying, what would you be drinking?

Dane: Whiskey, baby. Single malt. On the rocks. [winks]

Simone: I might just take you up on that. Well, that’s all the time we have today with the rugged, mysterious Dane Fortune. You can find out more about Dane in Michelle Miles’ The Adventures of Ransom and Fortune, available at http://www.keepitcoming.net/ransom-fortune.html. I guarantee you’ll become even more intimately acquainted with Dane Fortune. Did I mention he smells terrific?

Simone Byline is a journalist for the Resolute Reader. Her dedication to the journalistic field will be honored in a special edition of The Reader, available by subscription to the paper at www.mendingresolute.com

Dishes on the floor and Ipod musings...

2005-09-18T12:24:00.000-06:00

We had a smorg-style dinner party last night to say thanks to the people who helped us move. Despite an anxiety-induced rash and moments of shortness of breath early Saturday, it seemed to go off well - thanks to Himself, of course. I worked all day and when I got home everything was ready to go. No word of any food poisoning yet, but it's still early. Despite the non-environmentally friendly practice of disposable plates and cutlery, I still have a ton of dishes to wash. Without an abundance of counterspace, the floor is looking awfully appealing.

All that food and, this morning, the left-overs, have filled me with a ton of weird, yet interesting ideas for my fall writing. It's widely known that writers stumble most during the summer... after all, when everyone is playing outside in the sunshine, we are stuck inside staring at our monitors trying to determine the least-used, yet still unpretentious word for "slow". (By the way, any suggestions?!?!) Since my drunken finger-babbling a few weeks ago, I haven't had a chance to do much on Mending Resolute, but tonight I will avoid the tempting "e" icon on the desktop and actually sit down and do some work, ultimately preparing for the Alberta winter hibernation.

Also, thanks to someone very nice and considerate, this week I procurred my newest, most interesting little toy to date - an Ipod shuffle. Now I'm uploading music and have realized how lame my library really is. I need new stuff. So, post below the music you think is great - any suggestion (except polka music) will be investigated.

Mending Resolute will be back on September 25th as KIC gets back underway. Hopefully Linde's subscribers are drumming their fingers on their computer tables and desks, wondering what is going to happen next regardless of where in the story they are. Thanks, subscribers! Linde would not be alive if it weren't for you! Have a great week, everyone! Pop by next week for to nominate your pick for... well, you'll find out next week!

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How could I be so lucky?

2005-09-11T18:29:00.000-06:00

They say luck befalls everyone at least once in their lives, and I am happy to say my time has come! Prepare to be jealous, folks! I have had two - yes TWO - long weekends in a row. And so, as I sit here eating a delicious hot dog from Le Chien Chaud (my new addiction located a short block and a half from my new, and Linde's old, apartment) I prepare for another day of doing nothing. Is there anything better than being in bed when everyone else has to get up early for work? Okay, enough bragging. If it makes you all feel better, I have to work next Saturday. Better now? Good.

On Monday or Tuesday -AK!

Sorry, I had a large-pickle-and-canoli crisis. Everything is under control now, and there is only a drop on my computer desk. As I was saying, either Monday or Tuesday, my good friend and writer extraordinaire, Michelle Miles, will post an interview by Simone Byline on her blog.

For those subscribing to Mending Resolute, you will be familiar with Simone Byline's work. If not, here's the quick bio:

Simone Byline is a fiesty reporter, working as the ONLY writer it seems, for the Resolute Reader, the city's local newspaper. Though she is famous for her shameless editorializing, Simone Byline is considered the city's most reliable source on all things in the south end, especially crime and newly, the neighborhood's vigilante movement.

Simone Byline recently managed to secure an interview with the elusive, yet downright sexy, Dane Fortune, the hitman from Miles' "The Adventures of Ransom and Fortune". This is the ONLY interview thus far with Dane (who we all imagine periodically throughout the day without a shirt), and rumours have it Byline promised more than a cup of coffee to get the interview with the man all women would like a tete-a-tete avec, if you know what I mean. Both Fortune and Byline deny the rumours, but the interview is worth a few stolen minutes out of your day. From there, you decide. Check it out at Ye Olde Inkwell.

Oh, and good news... everyone can now come out from hiding. Pedestrians can once again feel safe crossing the street and squirrels - well, they still don't have much of a chance... I got my new glasses, and spend a lot of my time now gazing out the window at stuff far away - just because I can. It's been five years since my eyes went bad, and had it not been for that frightening woman eye doctor in T.O. (who I secretly think was a German spy), I would have had a proper perscription long ago, but I probably wouldn't appreciate the nexen building on the horizon quite as much (and despise my hefty neighbour's open window...).

Your Mood Ring is Blue

Relaxed
At ease
Calm
Lovable

Mood Ring Generator

What's yours? Reply by adding a comment below. Have a great week everyone, and come by next weekend.

It's about time!

2005-09-04T15:42:00.000-06:00

I'm not just saying that because it also happens to be my catch phrase for Mending Resolute, it really is about time I got my blog up and running.

It's the long weekend, thank God - I needed the extra day off. Today I'm fighting stomach turbulence as the vat of wine I consumed last night churns, refusing to be absorbed by bread, coffee or tuna, which happens to be the only food in my cupboards. Ah, moving. So bloody expensive. Good thing Linde moved out of this sweet apartment - it's double the size of my old one and cheaper.

The wine, however, was brilliant and did exactly what it does best - eliminates all my inhibitions. I went back this morning and read some of what spewed from my tingling fingers last night. If I could remain perpetually drunk, I might just make a career out of this crazy obsession.